IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered area of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extend do you agree?

In the contemporary
world
Use synonyms
, available means of natural
resources
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 is used to be discovered. Some argue that the restricted
use
Use synonyms
 of
resources
Use synonyms
 in undiscovered places has been available for the
world
Use synonyms
, as there is a rise in the human population. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 exploitation and the running of
non-renewable
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 can result in significant economic shortages. On the one hand, oil and natural gas play a crucial role in the
world
Use synonyms
`s industry and manufacturing. Considering
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of gas and oil is
non-renewable
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
advanced technology is able to provide alternatives for renewable
resources
Use synonyms
. Considering the growth in the number of the population is soaring and demand at the same time, those valuable
resources
Use synonyms
 provided by nature cannot be replaced easily, but
this
Linking Words
 can cause a long-term economic crisis.
Secondly
Linking Words
, advances in technology are rising in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 , and there is still a huge need to make
use
Use synonyms
 of natural assets,
such
Linking Words
 as oil and gas.
However
Linking Words
, even with the technological advancements, the economic and commercial sector holds a great percentage of energy demand with natural
non-renewable
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is worth pointing out that industry, business, economy, and even manufacturing sectors depend heavily on
non-renewable
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
. Using fossil fuels has a negative impact on nature, emitting harmful gases into the atmosphere and resulting in global warming and climate change on Earth
To conclude
Linking Words
, restrictions on the
resources
Use synonyms
 which are running out and depleting in the near future, I firmly believe that limited
use
Use synonyms
 of natural fossil fuels and providing an opportunity to the long-term goals and advantages

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your view is clear, but the text is not well planned. Start with a short intro and end with a short conclusion that matches the prompt.
coherence
Group ideas in clear blocks. Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
ideas
Use more precise facts or examples. This makes your point stronger.
grammar
Check grammar to fix errors that make the meaning hard to get. Use simple, correct sentences.
content
The essay shows a clear view that limits on fossil use are part of the issue.
structure
There is an attempt to discuss both sides, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demand
  • resources
  • discover
  • explore
  • environmental
  • impact
  • wildlife
  • economic
  • benefit
  • access
  • energy
  • focus
  • balance
  • prices
  • local
  • alternative
  • sustainable
  • manage
  • disturb
  • deplete
What to do next:
Look at other essays: