In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavent examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 workds.

In many cultures, they motivate

children

Use synonyms

to try hard things, because that will help them to achieve anything they want in future.

Altough

Correct your spelling

Although

this

Linking Words

encouraging

Replace the word

encourages

show examples

childern

Correct your spelling

children

to work towards their goals,

however

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

has some

disagvantages

Correct your spelling

disadvantages

Rephrase

apply

show examples

also

Linking Words

. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss the pros and cons of giving

children

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

message. On the positive side, telling the

children

Use synonyms

they can achieve anything

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will boost their self-confidence and increase their determination. When

children

Use synonyms

believe in their abilities, they become more willing to take risks,

and trying

Wrong verb form

try

show examples

new activities, and

continuing

Wrong verb form

continue

show examples

when facing difficulties.

Linking Words

this

Fix capitalization

This

show examples

think

Use the right word

thing

show examples

will help them improve their life skills like resilience, problem-solving, and

indebendence

Correct your spelling

independence

Linking Words

for

Fix capitalization

For

show examples

instance, students who are encouraged to believe in themselves often perform better in school because they are not afraid to make mistakes.

Linking Words

furthermore

Fix capitalization

Furthermore

show examples

this

Linking Words

message may

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

inspire them to set ambitious goals and work hard to achieve them.

Linking Words

however

Fix capitalization

However

show examples

, there are clear pros

also

Linking Words

. promising

children

Use synonyms

that they can achieve anything may

creat

Use the right word

create

show examples

unrealistic expectations.

hard

Fix capitalization

Hard

show examples

work is important, but some goals

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

talents, resources, or opportunities that not everyone has.

when

Fix capitalization

When

show examples

the

childern

Correct your spelling

children

grow up and discover that the effort alone is not enough.

they

Fix capitalization

They

show examples

may feel hopeless

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

or believe they have failed. May

this

Linking Words

lead to frustration, stress or even low

self-eteem

Correct your spelling

self-esteem

Linking Words

furthermore

Fix capitalization

Furthermore

show examples

childernmay

Correct your spelling

children may

focus excessively on achievement and neglect

enjoing

Correct your spelling

enjoying

activities without pressure.

Fix capitalization

show examples

conclusion, encourage

childern

Correct your spelling

children

to believe

Change preposition

in themselve

show examples

themselve

Correct your spelling

themselves

has clear benefits,

especialy

Correct your spelling

especially

on build

Change preposition

in building

show examples

confidence and motivation.

Aidah_91

Dec 12, 2025

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task response

For Task Response: The essay tries to talk about both sides, but ideas are not very clear. Add a clear view and give stronger, simple points for each side. Use a personal example or common fact to back up the idea.

coherence and cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion: Break the text into clear parts with a topic sentence for each paragraph. Use simple linking words to show order (first, next, also, however). Check that sentences start with a capital letter and that spelling is right.

structure

The essay has a clean plan: intro, two body parts on pros and cons, and a short conclusion.

content

The writer tries to cover both sides of the issue, which fits the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

242 words

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