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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development?

There is an ongoing debate about a growing trend that young
people
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 prefer shopping as a type of entertainment in numerous cities. I believe that
this
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 practice poses both
benefit
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benefits
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 and
drawback
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drawbacks
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, and it is essential to adopt a balanced approach between shopping and other important leisure
activities
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 that greatly contribute to
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individuals
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individuals'
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developing
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development
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 in their personal and professional lives.
One
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 of the main advantages of shopping is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 unique opportunity it provides for
people
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 to become
awareness
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aware
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 of new trends in today's modern era.
This
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 feature plays a crucial role in
people
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's
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 and minimises the challenges
individuals
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 face in their daily routine, making life more comfortable.
For instance
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, shopping can
exposure
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expose
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one
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 to novel digital devices like dishwashers, which
has
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have
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 made washing dishes more convenient and reduced the consumption of water.
This
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convenient
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convenience
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 has allowed
individuals
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 to focus on other
activities
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such
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 as reading a book.
Hence
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, shopping can connect young
people
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 to current fashions and offers products
diminish
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that diminish
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 the pressures of daily life.
Nevertheless
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, over-reliance on shopping as a leisure
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activities
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activity
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 can deprive
one
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 of other engaging
activities
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,
such
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 as exercising, socialising,
traveling
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travelling
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, and exploring nature. These
activities
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 greatly contribute to
individuals
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 improving vital skills, including communication, teamwork, critical thinking, and problem-solving, setting them on a continuous path of personal and professional growth. As an example,
traveling
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travelling
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 to diverse settings
exposure
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exposes
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one
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 to a wide range of cultures and heritages, which broadens historical understanding and provides unique opportunities to challenge their abilities in various conditions.
Thus
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,
over dependence
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overdependence
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 on shopping prevents
people
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 from cultivating essential capabilities, which assist in
personally
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personal
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 and
professionally developing
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professional development
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. In conclusion, in my opinion,
while
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 shopping as an entertainment can inform
individuals
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 of new fashions,
over participating
Correct your spelling
overparticipating
 in
this
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 activity can hinder
people
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 from engaging in other important hobbies,
such
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 as sports and
trip
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trips
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.
Consequently
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, it is imperative to consider a harmonious approach between shopping and other important
activities
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.

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planning
Plan your essay. Start with a clear main idea and a short plan of two or three points. Each paragraph should have one aim.
grammar
Use simple, clear grammar. Watch for subject-verb errors and wrong word forms. Read your sentences aloud to find mistakes.
structure
Make your view clear in the start. In the body, give reasons, then a short end that restates your view.
examples
Use real and simple examples. An example should fit the idea and be easy to see.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words. Use first, next, and lastly, or also 'but' to show contrast.
lexical
Use common words. A few new words are okay, but mean what you want to say.
argument balance
Balance both sides. Do not push one side too much.
content
The writer shows there are both pro and con points.
structure
The essay has a clear start and end.
ideas
The topic is set and some good examples are used.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
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