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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the Internet has a negative impact on society and people while other believe there are advantages to the internet. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the internet for people in society

Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that many
people
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 spend their
time
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 using their phones. Some
people
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 saw
this
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 phenomenon
has
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as
show examples
 a negative impact on
people
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's
time
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 and behaviour in society ,
while
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 others strongly oppose it.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 topic from both points of view, and I will express my personal opinion. On the one hand, spending a long
time
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 using a phone and scrolling between programs without
time
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 management has a bad effect on
people
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's memory.
For example
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, some students noted that when they stay a long
time
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 watching short videos, it can cause loss of information easily and lead to addiction to staying on their phones for long periods.
Moreover
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, parents complain about how their children are using the Internet for the
time
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 and forget their studies, and they do not have any activities.
On the other hand
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, the internet provides some positive services and utilities these days and makes our lives easier and faster in many different ways, especially in online learning in universities and schools. That helps students learning from different countries.
Furthermore
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, we can communicate with each other at any
time
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 from anywhere.
Also
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, the website provides much information about the places, and we can read
people
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's experiences and their feedback.
In addition
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, the government can communicate with citizens directly, and they can get help in a short
time
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. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 are afraid of
this
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 technology, I strongly believe that utilising the internet is a positive development. It offers the world around us, communicates with others , and allows everyone to share their opinion.
However
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, controlling
time
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 and using devices in a good way helps students, parents, teachers, and workers enhance their lives.

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task response
Be clear about your view in the first paragraph and keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
Add more details or real examples for each point to show why they matter.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together (also, however, in addition).
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have one main idea with its own example or detail.
content
The essay shows a view and tries to cover both sides.
content
There are examples about online learning and talking with others.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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