IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey

The diagram given shows information about how
bees
Use synonyms
 create honey.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that there are various steps to obtain the honey;
also
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
bees
Use synonyms
 have to leave their home in order to complete the cycle. At the beginning,
bees
Use synonyms
 began to make a shelter or a container, which is called a hive. After that,
bees
Use synonyms
 need to travel outside to search for flowers, and
that is
Linking Words
 because they need something called nectar, which is a sweet liquid
that is
Linking Words
 produced by the plant.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
bees
Use synonyms
 come back to store the fluid in cells; later on, the
bees
Use synonyms
 start to use their wings to generate airflow, and by using that, they evaporate excess water, and that means the water is changing into gas, so the nectar is set to thicken, and that leads to a hard liquor, which the humans or community knows as honey.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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