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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting GYM once a month or more between 1984 and 2003.

The line graph illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in different age groups who visited the
gym
Use synonyms
 once a month or more from 1984 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
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 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 18-25 visiting the
gym
Use synonyms
 rose considerably over the period,
while
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 other age groups showed some fluctuations. In 1984,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 25-46 recorded the highest
percentage
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 of
gym
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 visits, at around 30%.
Furthermore
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, individuals aged 45-65 recorded the second-highest
percentage
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, at around 25%. Meanwhile, the
percentage
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 of young
people
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 aged 18-25 stood at approximately 12%, which is higher than that of
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 65, at about 8%. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
gym
Use synonyms
 visitors aged 18-25 increased steadily throughout the period, reaching approximately 65% by 2003.
In contrast
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, the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 aged 45-65 declined slightly to around 14%. Meanwhile, the proportion of those aged 26-45 and over 65 rose gradually, ending at about 54% and 22% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, people, gym with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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