The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society. Do the advantages of using social media for communicating outweigh the disadvantages?2

Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that many
people
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use mobile phones for a long time. Some
people
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believe that
this
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phenomenon has a negative impact on
people
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's time and their behaviour in societies,
while
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others strongly oppose it. In
this
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essay, I will discuss
this
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topic from both points of view, and I will express my personal opinion. On the one hand, the increasing number of
people
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utilising social
media
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has some drawbacks.
For example
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, many
people
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share a large amount of personal information, and
this
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leads to a lack of privacy.
Moreover
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,
this
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will affect students who spend long hours in front of the screen; they may lose information easily and become addicted to staying on their phones.
Furthermore
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, parents complain about how their children use the Internet for long hours, forget their studies, and do not have any activities.
On the other hand
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, we can use social
media
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in positive ways
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and strengthen our relationships.
For instance
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, these days, everyone can send any type of message at any time from anywhere, and we can reply when we receive the message.
Also
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, some individuals who are studying outside their countries can communicate easily with their families or friends.
In addition
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, the government can connect with
people
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directly and raise awareness on social
media
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. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the advantages of using social
media
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for communicating outweigh the disadvantages. Technology provides many benefits; everyone can learn online, chat with their families, and learn about the trends.

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task response
The essay sets a view and answer the question. To be strong, add a short plan in the intro and restate your view in the end. Give one clear main idea in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a simple order: intro, reason 1, reason 2, counter, conclusion. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and connect ideas with simple links.
vocabulary
Keep words simple. Some long words can be swapped with common, easy words. Check that each sentence has a subject and a verb.
relevant specific examples
Add more clear examples that relate to social media and not just general talk. This helps show both sides with proof.
content
The essay has a clear end view and shows both sides.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present and easy to find.
content
There are real ideas about privacy and how people chat and learn.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital communication
  • Online presence
  • Privacy concerns
  • Cyberbullying
  • Social networking sites
  • Virtual communities
  • Echo chambers
  • Digital footprint
  • Social media influencers
  • Content dissemination
  • User-generated content
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Cognitive dissonance
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