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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parent should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, Young
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community
Check wording
people
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 spend to huge
time
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 watching television or computer
screens
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, which triggers
the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative impact on them. It causes parents should impose limits on their
children
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 for watching these. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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 statement because when
children
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intake
Verb problem
spend
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 too much
time
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of
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on
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screen
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time
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 ,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 leads to long-term
illness
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 ,
as well as
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 seriously affects their academic performance in negative ways. Primarily, today's young
community
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 spend a lot of
time
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 with
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screen
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screens
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 usage , as
result
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a result
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, it triggers harmful
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illness
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illnesses
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such
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 as eye problems and heart
illness
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 and etc. When deeply analysing these , where received huge
truth
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truths
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 like nowadays
young
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the young
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community
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 have great freedom for using phones
in
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at
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 their young age.
Therefore
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 , they used these and
affected
Verb problem
caused
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 severe
illness
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. The most serious issue is eye problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, Recent research says that young
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community
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people
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 who use
the
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apply
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screens
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 for too much
time
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as a
Linking Words
result
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result,
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 they have a
situation
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higher risk
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for
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of
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 wear glasses
in
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at
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 their early
ages
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age
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.
Moreover
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, another huge negative drawback is youngones additate to using these
screens
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.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 creates poor academic results.
Subsequently
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 , these affect their future negative manner. It is a
greate
Correct your spelling
great
 decision for the parents to generate the rule against their
children
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 for spending too much
time
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 with
screens
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.
For example
Linking Words
 recent survey explains that young generations spend more
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
television
Verb problem
watching television
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andreceiving
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and receive
 lower academic results. In conclusion , nowadays
children
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 take too much
of
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apply
show examples
screen
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time
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.
Although
Linking Words
 it generates huge disadvantages for them.
Thus
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, Parent create the rules against their
children
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 to less their
screen
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time
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,
childern
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children
be
Verb problem
should be
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 aware of their
screen
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time
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they should spend equal
time
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 studying and watching TV or computer.

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coherence
Use small link words like and, but, so to show ideas go in a row.
coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph and add a short fact or example.
task
Say your view in the first line and restate it in the end.
grammar
Check your grammar and make noun and verb fit, and use the right preps.
lexical
Keep words easy and talk about screen time, eyes and study with simple words.
content
The writer shows a clear choice to agree.
structure
There is a plan with an opening, body and ending.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • development
  • health
  • obesity
  • eyesight
  • social skills
  • interactions
  • distractions
  • homework
  • studying
  • outdoor play
  • hobbies
  • creativity
  • balance
  • boundaries
  • parents
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