IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent years, a large number of highly skilled professionals like doctors, engineers, and IT professionals from poorer countries are leaving their countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue?

Nowadays, a large proportion of
experts
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors, engineers, and computer professionals from underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 are leaving their hometowns in seek of high-paying jobs. If these
experts
Use synonyms
 leave their
countries
Use synonyms
, their
countries
Use synonyms
 will collapse industrially. An increasing salary is considered a possible solution for
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if many
experts
Use synonyms
 leave their hometown,
this
Linking Words
 action will weaken their country. First of all, unskilled people will take the authority, and they will make uninformed decisions, which can cause disasters.
For example
Linking Words
, in the Soviet Union, many skilled people left their country
due to
Linking Words
 economic reasons. A low-educated person became the manager of a nuclear site. Because of his bad decisions, the nuclear site exploded and caused a lot of environmental damage. Ultimately, specialists are vital for
countries
Use synonyms
, and losing them makes a country vulnerable to enemies.
Although
Linking Words
 these
experts
Use synonyms
 go abroad because of different issues, rising salaries are the most crucial point. If they receive adequate money, they prefer to stay in their
countries
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that when they go abroad, they feel homesick because they are far from their families.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if they were able to purchase and provide their necessities and fundamental needs, they would stay in their
countries
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government has a vital responsibility. The government can increase salaries and provide job security for
experts
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, many
experts
Use synonyms
 go overseas to find a well-paid job. Most of them have to do
this
Linking Words
 because they cannot earn sufficient money in their hometown;
however
Linking Words
, the government can take the responsibility and increase wages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Add at least two clear ways to keep talent at home, not just higher pay. Give more facts or clear case to back the ideas.
structure
Make each idea be a full part. Use a clear plan: state the problem, tell why it happens, show result, then give a fix. Keep a clear path in each paragraph.
grammar
Check word form and tone. Some word use is off. Avoid big claims like 'collapse' and keep to plain words.
structure
You show a clear idea and use a plan with an intro and a end.
coherence
You use linking words like 'To begin with' and 'Consequently' to make flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: