IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for the charity, teaching sports to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that volunteer work should be compulsory for high school
students
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because it helps develop essential life
skills
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and encourages them to become responsible citizens.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, making community service mandatory can help teenagers build important qualities. When
students
Use synonyms
 participate in any charity event, or
cleaning
Wrong verb form
clean
show examples
 the playgrounds, and
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 the underprivileged groups,
then
Linking Words
 they can learn important social
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as empathy,
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
, and patience. These
skills
Use synonyms
 are not only important for their holistic development but
also
Linking Words
 give them the opportunity to use that time wisely for the well-being of society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 become responsible from an early age. They understand what their responsibilities are, and what society
expect
Correct subject-verb agreement
expects
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them. It is common to see, when
students
Use synonyms
 meet new people
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as in an old-age home
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or in an orphanage centre,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they can show their great care towards them to make them feel special.
For instance
Linking Words
, reading books and food sharing
develops
Correct subject-verb agreement
develop
show examples
 kindness in their hearts.
In addition
Linking Words
, the discrimination between the rich and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 will definitely reduce when
students
Use synonyms
 show their active engagement in social welfare.
However
Linking Words
, some people are against the compulsion made by schools. Those children who spend their precious time doing unpaid work
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can lose their interest in studying school subjects. Because of that, they may achieve lower grades, and their nature becomes less competitive as well. In conclusion, undoubtedly, volunteer service is beneficial to develop interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
 among
students
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
 possible to learn
while
Linking Words
 studying at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 become mature at their school age. But they may achieve lower grades when they do not study properly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your plan is clear with an intro, two ideas, a counter point, and an ending. Keep this plan.
language
Some sentences are long and hard to read. Use short sentences and plain words.
content
Add more detail or examples for each reason so the point is strong.
coherence
Make the link from one idea to the next smoother.
strength
Clear stance on the topic.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
coherence
Good linking words used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • volunteer
  • service
  • community
  • school
  • students
  • time
  • balance
  • benefit
  • skill
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • care
  • fair
  • choice
  • opt-out
  • quality
  • impact
  • goal
  • plan
  • support
  • children
  • youth
  • teaching
  • sports
  • practice
  • result
  • pilot
  • safety
  • help
  • opportunity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: