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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disgree.

In modern society, it is now commonly believed that students and kids should do unpaid community service
work
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 in their free time, rather than doing leisure activities. Most adults agree that it can be beneficial to society and teenagers. Others argue that they shouldn't
work
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 for free, and any kind of labour must be paid. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing about pros and cons of both sides, and
also
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 I will give my thoughts on it. On the one hand, doing volunteer
work
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 can boost their CV.
Furthermore
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, it can
also
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 help them to see the
work
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 they take for granted in a new light.
Although
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 it is an openly discussed topic, another benefit is that they learn how to do the
work
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 and what to expect from others when they do it. For those reasons, parents and other adults say that they should do unpaid
work
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.
On the other hand
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, doing unpaid labour , some people might see them as below the workers and do the jobs most people avoid. Even, it is rare, some employers take advantage of the young generations.
For example
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, one of my classmate do volunteer hours in a local coffee shop , and the manager only lets them do the hard
work
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, and avoids them from socielise them.
That is
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 why most of the teens wouldn't be comfortable spending their leisure time working. Suffice it to say, both have a strong argument. Parents are more likely to think about their future, and kids seem more over the way they are treated now. But in my opinion, adults should not force their kids, teens for unpaid labour or make them
work
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 against their own will.

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content
Be clear about your view in the intro and in the last paragraph.
content
Give more real examples to back each point.
language
Fix spelling and grammar mistakes.
organization
Make one main idea in each paragraph and use simple linking words to join ideas.
style
Keep the tone even and not too hard.
content
The essay tries to show both sides.
stance
The writer states a clear opinion at the end.
cohesion
Some linking words are used to join ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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