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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantage?

In the present times, numerous families decide to have
children
Use synonyms
 later in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
trend
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 are various,
such
Linking Words
 as
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
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 financial readiness or emotional availability. In
Correct article usage
the below
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below paragraph
Correct word order
paragraph below
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, we will discuss the reasons. Many individuals believe that
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 requires a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 from
parents
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, especially financial readiness. Not only
Use synonyms
parents must
Correct word order
must parents
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 fund
children
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's birth preparation, but
also
Linking Words
 education, health and lifestyles. In fact, these supports shall be consistent until at least they are identified as an adult and able to
Verb problem
be resposible
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resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for their own
life
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. In
this
Linking Words
 era, numerous
couples
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 find it hard to cope.
For example
Linking Words
, I was born in a small town in Indonesia, and it requires
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 funds for me to complete my
Bachelor
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Bachelor's
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 degree in France, even with
scholarship
Correct article usage
a scholarship
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.
In
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On
show examples
 the other hand, some
parents
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 believe that raising a baby needs
higher
Correct word choice
closer
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 attention during their growth.
Parents
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 must be able to give their emotional support to their
children
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in order to do
this
Linking Words
, they have to be complete with their own selves
, meanwhile
Punctuation problem
. Meanwhile
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, we all know that emotional stability is not something that can be easily reached within arm's length.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
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 must be awake at 2 a.m. in the morning because the baby cries
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 hunger. Imagine those things happen for one full year. Because of those reasons,
couples
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 decided to postpone
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having
children
Use synonyms
 in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. They believe that the advantages of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 could uplift their own quality of
life
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 side,
as well as
Linking Words
 emotional stability
side
Punctuation problem
side,
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 compared to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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younger
Correct article usage
a younger
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 age.
This
Linking Words
 way, they will have
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 chance to prepare everything before the baby arrives. If we look into the disadvantage, if numerous
couples
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 follow
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 for too long, the world population will reduce in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 years,
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 will lose production age for generations. In conclusion, many
couples
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 is there because raising
children
Use synonyms
 requires a lot of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as financial stability and emotional availability. And the advantage of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
is outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the disadvantage as long as the
trend
Use synonyms
 doesn't
significally
Correct your spelling
significantly
 increase over time.

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grammar
Fix many grammar and spelling errors to make meaning clear.
coherence
Use clear topic and better link words to show how ideas fit together.
task
State a clear view in the opening sentence and stick to it in the conclusion.
content
Give more real and simple examples that fit the topic.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an intro, body and a conclusion.
development
Some ideas are in order and the writer shows effort to explain.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Delayed parenthood
  • Financial stability
  • Career development
  • Economic uncertainty
  • Fertility treatments
  • Reproductive health
  • Cultural expectations
  • Societal norms
  • Personal freedom
  • Experiential achievements
  • Childbearing age
  • Professional growth
  • Equal footing
  • Hesitant
  • Defer
What to do next:
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