IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, howeve, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Public health is a necessity for every nation. People
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that investing more in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
natives
Check wording
natives'
show examples
 fitness by providing them
gym
Change preposition
with gym
show examples
 or sports facilities would effect
positively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
on
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 growth.
While
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 would argue that
unncessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 spending on these projects
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
 much less than people think.
By promoting
Change preposition
Promoting
show examples
fitnesss
Correct your spelling
fitness
 facilities
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 a better chance to have a healthy young population that would help
in boosting
Wrong verb form
boost
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 the growth
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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. Take an example of Australia, a small
continant
Correct your spelling
continent
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 population of 27
million
Punctuation problem
million,
show examples
 takes a spot in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 5
counteries
Correct your spelling
countries
 winning the most medals in
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is all happening because of their efforts for decades of
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 and promoting the sports culture in their country. On top of it, medical
expanses
Use the right word
expenses
show examples
 of these nations
drops
Correct subject-verb agreement
drop
show examples
 drastically because of healthy residents
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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overall
Linking Words
 happiness comes with
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
show examples
. In a recent survey, researchers found that countries that are actively doing
good
Rephrase
well
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports have spent 50% less on their medical budgets in comparison with other countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people
also
Linking Words
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that spending on these projects
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
. They argue that making new stadiums and gyms is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 waste of money and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opens the door to corruption. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, a newspaper published a report in which they wrote that out of 5 stadiums in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 city 'Chandigarh
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 made in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years, only 2 are being taken care
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
. The rest 3 are either not maintained or no longer
Correct article usage
the publics
show examples
publics
Check wording
public's
show examples
 favourite
while
Linking Words
 the city is being funded regularly to maintain these grounds.
This
Linking Words
 puts a question mark on these
expdentures
Correct your spelling
expenditures
. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, promoting a
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle is never a bad choice
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should invest after doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thorough research and surveys before
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 sum of money. These facilities
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
maintained
Verb problem
be maintained
show examples
 and repaired
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
timely
Correct article usage
a timely
show examples
 manner.

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development
Plan before you write. Say the two sides and then your view in a clear end.
content
Give a small fact or example with each idea to show it is true.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use short, simple sentences to aid the flow.
form
The essay tries to discuss both sides and ends with a view.
argument
There is a clear end with the writer's view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • obesity rates
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • multi-faceted approach
  • diet education
  • health screenings
  • government policies
  • pollution reduction
  • living conditions
  • community programs
  • mental health services
  • investment
  • accessible
  • complement
What to do next:
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