IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that regions affect a successful person. What is your opinion about the native region and accomplished person’s influence on the region he belongs to?

In recent years, whether the hometown of a successful person contributes to one's accomplishment has sparked considerable interest.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that the country where a successful person was born is significant, I partly agree that it is one of the factors, but not a primary reason for being successful. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the poor regions cannot provide sufficient resources for education and professional careers. To be more specific, the lack of early education has a detrimental effect on the potential development of capabilities and living skills, which provoke the challenges in long-term learning. If the kids want to succeed in impoverished countries, they need to take a proactive approach and seek opportunities in a hard way.
As a consequence
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, being successful and upgrading the social hierarchy for those children is really hard to achieve.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the regions are not the only sector
Correct pronoun usage
that impact
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 people's accomplishment and development.
Although
Linking Words
 it is difficult for learners who live in poor areas to search and receive
aqualified
Correct your spelling
a qualified
 schooling, we still observe some successful celebrities
stood
Wrong verb form
who stand
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 out. If the person has enough ambition, they will try their best, and the obstacles
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be fuel for them rather than obstacles.
For instance
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, NBA basketball players
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a representative example; they find their strengths, enduring consistently through
day-and-night
Use the right word
day and night
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 practice. In conclusion, based on the arguments above, I partly agree that the native country could affect the opportunities for success, but the key factor of being successful is
keeping
Verb problem
making
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effort
Correct article usage
an effort
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 on your target and
cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
show examples
 your strengths.

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Task Response
Task Response: State your main view clearly in the intro and keep your argument on the topic. Add 1–2 clear reasons and a few real examples.
Coherence
Coherence and Cohesion: Use a clear plan. Each paragraph should have one main idea with a topic sentence. Use linking words to show how ideas go together.
Language
Language: Check grammar and word use. Use simple forms and avoid long, complex sentences. Fix small mistakes like 'aqualified' to 'a qualified' and improve word choice.
Strength
The view that place is not the only factor is clear.
Cohesion
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show sides.
Content
An example with NBA players shows you have support for your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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