IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Many
people
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 believe that financial hardship is the primary factor that drives
individuals
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 to commit crimes,
while
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 others argue that criminal behaviour is mainly influenced by a person’s mentality and moral values.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe personal choice plays a more significant role. On the one hand, financial difficulties can push
individuals
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 towards criminal activities in order to meet their basic needs.
People
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 living in poverty may resort to petty theft or other illegal actions when they struggle to provide food, shelter, or education for their families. In many cases,
such
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individuals
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 do not intend to break the law but are driven by desperate circumstances.
For example
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, some
people
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 commit robbery simply because they come from disadvantaged backgrounds and lack access to stable employment.
Although
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 these actions are illegal, they are often motivated by survival rather than criminal intent.
On the other hand
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, many argue that
crime
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 is largely the result of an individual’s mindset rather than their financial condition. Some
people
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 choose illegal methods because they want to gain wealth quickly without putting in sustained effort. Once a person succeeds in committing a
crime
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, it can become habitual, encouraging them to engage in increasingly serious offences.
This
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 view suggests that moral values, self-control, and personal responsibility are more influential than economic status in determining criminal behaviour. In my opinion,
while
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 financial pressure can be a contributing factor,
crime
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 is ultimately a matter of personal choice. There are numerous ethical ways to improve one’s financial situation,
such
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 as working hard, saving money, and making wise investments. Many
people
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 rise out of poverty through determination and perseverance.
However
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, some
individuals
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 deliberately reject these lawful paths and
instead
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 choose criminal activities for personal gain. In conclusion,
although
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 poverty may increase the likelihood of
crime
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 in certain situations, an individual’s mentality and decisions play a more decisive role.
Therefore
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,
crime
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 should be viewed not only as a social issue but
also
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 as a matter of personal responsibility.

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task response
Add more detail to each point. Give one or two clear examples for each side.
coherence
Link ideas with simple, clear words. Use linking words like 'also', 'however', 'for example'.
grammar
Some long sentences can be split. Short sentences are easier to read.
task response
Strengthen your own view at the end with a short final sentence.
vocabulary
Try to use a few more everyday words to keep the flow smooth.
structure
Clear view and good plan to discuss both sides.
coherence
Uses common linking words to show two sides.
content
Each paragraph has a reason and a small example.
conclusion
Ending sentence shows your view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economically disadvantaged
  • necessities
  • societal factors
  • external circumstances
  • criminal activities
  • intrinsic characteristics
  • personality traits
  • moral beliefs
  • psychological conditions
  • predisposed
  • personal choice
  • responsibility
  • profound impact
  • circumstances
  • attributes
  • behavior
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