IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they di their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals argue that it must be made compulsory for graduates to
work
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 in countries where they were
trained
Punctuation problem
trained,
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whereas
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 others are of the view
that
Correct word choice
apply
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,
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apply
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 that freedom should be granted for
people
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 to
work
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 where they prefer. These views will be discussed before an opinion is given. A country must benefit from the training and expertise of its citizens. Some nations provide sponsorships and allowances to train
people
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 in high-demanding jobs like medicine and engineering
and
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, and
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 so, these graduates are obliged to
work
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 in their home country where they were trained.
For instance
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, in Ghana, all medical doctors are bonded to
work
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 for at least 5 years after graduation before they can apply to
work
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 anywhere on the globe
,
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;
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otherwise
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otherwise,
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 they must pay penalties for the huge sum of money spent on their training.
On the other hand
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, with strong and continuous advocacy for freedom of movement and association,
people
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 argue that professionals must be granted the opportunity to choose to be employed wherever they prefer.
Moreover
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, if
people
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 are given
this
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 chance, it will
as well
Rephrase
also
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 be beneficial for all nations in the long run.
For example
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, an American will be employed in France and vice versa. In conclusion, I am of the view that professionals must be required to
work
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 where they were
trained
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trained,
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 as
this
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 will boost the number of experts needed in different fields to build a nation.

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task response
Balance the two views with more detail and evidence.
clarity of position
Make the final position very clear in the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more sign words to show how ideas fit together.
grammar and style
Check for long, hard to read sentences and cut them into smaller ones.
content and explanation
Give more real examples from life or study, not only one country.
grammar and punctuation
Fix small grammar and punctuation errors to improve flow.
content quality
The essay shows a good attempt to discuss both sides.
coherence
The writer gives some clear links between points, such as 'On the other hand'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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