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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Music is considered to be a way to connect people from different cultures and ages. Do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Music is one of the best ways we entertain nowadays. It is been argued on the fact that it is a source of connection for
people
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 of different ages and cultures. In my own opinion I strongly agree, as it brings much indiviual together and acknowledge
people
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 about the heritage of others.
Body paragraph 1
Above all
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, It is souce of interconnection of
people
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 who share the same style.
This
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 means that, many having the same taste of music will always want to meet to favourite
artist
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, and for the majority of cases
artist
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 make shows in concerts and festivals, so
people
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 will tend to attend their favourite
artist
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 creating a grouping of
people
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 of different age and different cultures.
For instance
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, the
last
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 time I went to the concert of one of most popular cameroonian
artist
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 called Charlotte Dipanda, I saw a majority of
people
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 of different ages and nationalities, it was quite amazing to share
this
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 passion with these
people
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 showing the same interest as you.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, Must artists are famous these days because of their culturage heritage notion. The great history of an
artist
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 make
people
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 have interest in them.
As a result
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 many individuals will have the tendency of searching or knowing about their origin whereby it will acknowledge
people
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 by knowing their origin, their history and how the behave. For exapmple, Bob marley culture is one of the most famous culture in the whole world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree, as music is a way by which many
people
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 are connected by the creation of concerts and festivals which permit
people
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 to meet and exchange a common interest,
also
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 it permit to know about the heritage of some
artist
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 by knowing their historical background which makes them much famous.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that music can bring people together. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully how music crosses both age and culture. At times, the link to culture is not fully clear.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, say how a song from one country can help people from other countries learn about its people, language, or way of life.
task response
Your concert example is useful and on topic. Add one short detail about how people of different ages or countries spoke, sang, or shared the same feeling there.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. However, some long sentences contain too many ideas. Use shorter sentences to make each point clear.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one direct main idea. Then give an explanation and an example. In the second body part, make the first sentence clearer because it is hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as "For example", "As a result", and "In addition" can help, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as "people", "different", and "artist", many times. You can sometimes use "listeners", "fans", "young and old people", or "musicians" instead.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
The concert example is personal, clear, and relevant. It shows how people from different places and age groups can meet through music.
coherence and cohesion
The main order works well: introduction, one idea about shared music events, one idea about culture, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking phrases, such as "For instance", "Secondly", and "In conclusion".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connect people
  • different cultures
  • different ages
  • shared feeling
  • bring people together
  • cross language barriers
  • sense of unity
  • human emotion
  • traditional music
  • modern music
  • public event
  • shared experience
  • cultural exchange
  • peaceful mood
  • strong memory
  • family bond
  • dance together
  • sing together
  • feel close
  • a powerful tool
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