IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are becoming increasingly dependent on private cars. What are the main causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

In certain parts of the world, many
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming
overreliance
Replace the word
overly reliant
show examples
 on private
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss the primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that phenomenon and suggest
viable
Correct article usage
a viable
show examples
 solution. One primary cause of that issue is that
people
Use synonyms
became
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more wealthier than in previous generations.
This
Linking Words
 is because nations whose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
countries undergo
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economic advancements would have high salaries for their citizens.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will have lots of money and
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
enhance
Verb problem
will enhance
show examples
Use synonyms
people's
Check wording
their
show examples
 desire to purchase private
cars
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study indicates that
economic
Replace the word
economically powerful
show examples
 countries,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the USA, France and China,
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 citizens are wealthy, and most of them own a private car.
Thus
Linking Words
, when a person has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary, that would trigger the need to purchase private
cars
Use synonyms
 and many possessions. One effective solution to tackle that problem is to set strict
rules
Use synonyms
 against those
people
Use synonyms
 to prevent them from buying private
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because setting
rules
Use synonyms
 will raise awareness among society
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 bad
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it will make them afraid to breach the
rules
Use synonyms
;
otherwise
Linking Words
, there will be severe consequences.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the idea of
owing
Use the right word
owning
show examples
 a private car will be eradicated from
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
show examples
 history.
For example
Linking Words
, professionals conducted
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research, they found imposing
rules
Use synonyms
 on
people
Use synonyms
 would guarantee for the local government to deter and eliminate any obstacle that
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, gradually.
To sum up
Linking Words
, wealthy societies with high wages would exert a profound influence to buy anything, including private
cars
Use synonyms
, and the only practical solution is to
legislate
Verb problem
enact
show examples
rules
Use synonyms
 to end the problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Add more detail to the main ideas. Give at least two clear causes and two good ways to cut car use, with step by step plans.
organization
Make each idea easy to see. Use clear links between cause and plan. Use simple connect words like 'this leads to','as a result','so','therefore'.
evidence
Support your points with simple facts or clear examples. Do not rely on one study or claim. Use real numbers or straight facts when you can.
language
Fix grammar and word choice. Use 'wealthier' not 'more wealthier'. Write in short, plain sentences.
Structure
Clear layout with an intro, a body on a cause and a body on a solution, and a conclusion.
Content
Some good examples (USA, France, China) are used to show wealth.
Content
The essay talks about both parts of the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: