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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are becoming increasingly dependent on private cars. What are the main causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to reduce it

In certain parts of the world, many
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming overly reliant on private
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss the primary reason for that phenomenon and suggest a viable solution. One primary cause of that issue is that
people
Use synonyms
 have more
wealthier
Replace the word
wealth
show examples
 than in previous generations.
This
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 is because nations whose countries undergo economic advancements would have high salaries for their citizens;
therefore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will have lots of money and that enhances
people
Use synonyms
's desire to purchase private
cars
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, a recent study indicates that economically powerful countries,
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the USA, France and China,
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 citizens are wealthy, and most of them own a private car.
Thus
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, when a person has
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary, that would trigger the need to purchase private
cars
Use synonyms
 and many possessions. One effective solution to tackle that problem is to set strict
rules
Use synonyms
 against those
people
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 to prevent them from buying private
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because setting
rules
Use synonyms
 will raise awareness among society about how bad these problems are;
also
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, it will make them afraid to breach the
rules
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;
otherwise
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, there will be severe consequences.
Consequently
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, the idea of owning a private car will be eradicated from the community's history.
For example
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, professionals conducted research, they found
imposing
Correct word choice
that imposing
show examples
rules
Use synonyms
 on
people
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 would guarantee
for
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the local government to deter and eliminate any
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
show examples
 that
faces society
Correct word order
society faces
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, gradually.
To sum up
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, wealthy societies with high wages would exert a profound influence to buy anything, including private
cars
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, and the only practical solution is to enact
rules
Use synonyms
 to end the problem.

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structure
Use a clear plan. Start with one idea in each paragraph and end with a short line.
structure
Put a clear topic sentence in each paragraph to show the main idea.
content
Give reasons for each point and give simple proof or fact to back it up.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Simple and correct sentences are best.
content
Use real, small examples or data if you can. Do not only say 'a study' without a clear fact.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy word links like first, then, also, but, finally.
structure
There is a clear task and a conclusion.
content
The essay talks about causes and a solution.
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