IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

in
Fix capitalization
In
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modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 era,
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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still
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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 role in
peoples
Check wording
people's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 the given statement, it shows that
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 are important for all ages
in
Change preposition
apply
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all over the world.
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that students should have to learn
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 in their school.
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 my explanation with
relevant
Correct article usage
a relevant
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 example in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 begin with,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think that
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
both
Correct word order
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are
necessary
Correct word order
both necessary
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 in
everyones
Check wording
everyone's
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 life, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 people happy.
with
Fix capitalization
With
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 the
Use synonyms
music
Add a comma
music,
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 people can
releave
Correct your spelling
relieve
 their stress
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they may feel good after listening to
music
Use synonyms
.
Art
Use synonyms
 gives the opportunity to those people who are good
in
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at
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 , they can show their talent in front of others.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 can
also
Linking Words
 secure their future in that particular
feild
Correct your spelling
field
.
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 think
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 will be replaced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology.
furthernore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, everything is important for children to learn in school, but it is not good that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 put more focus only on
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 because no doubt students can show their talent in that
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 study
also
Linking Words
 plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role in
the
Correct article usage
a
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beter
Correct your spelling
better
 future.
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
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, they must have some time for physical games so that they will be fit
by
Change preposition
in
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 body.
if
Fix capitalization
If
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 learners put
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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timr
Correct your spelling
time
only
Change preposition
into only
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
those
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activities
Check wording
two activities
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Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
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 other things get
ducturb
Correct your spelling
disrupted
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are
also
Linking Words
 important for them.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 conclude,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 know
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 are good for the students
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 other things have their own importance
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 study and games.
so
Fix capitalization
So
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 learners have to maintain a
balnace
Correct your spelling
balance
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have to give time to each thing which would be helpful for them in
upcoming
Correct pronoun usage
their upcoming
show examples
 life.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Give a clear view on the question at the start. Answer both parts of the task and stick to it.
structure
Keep ideas in order. Use 2-3 simple reasons and try one small example for each.
language
Use simple grammar and short sentences. Check spelling of common words and fix big errors that stop the meaning.
content
The essay shows that art and music can help people feel happy and less stressed.
content
There is a clear aim that art and music should be taught in school.
structure
There are three paragraphs, showing an attempt to have a start, middle and end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • cognitive benefits
  • emotional expression
  • mental well-being
  • mindfulness
  • human connection
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • discipline
  • collaboration
  • economic contributions
  • academic performance
What to do next:
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