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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countres around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Urbanization
Change the spelling
Urbanisation
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 is an important topic to discuss in many countries.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has pros and cons, but
this
Linking Words
 essay will contend that
on
Punctuation problem
, on
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 balance, the advantages of
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 outweigh any drawbacks. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who move to urban areas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 have access to a wide range of recreational facilities, public facilities, and
family friend
Use the right word
family-friendly
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 activities,
such
Linking Words
 as cinema, gym,
summing
Verb problem
swimming
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 pool, cultural
center
Change the spelling
centre
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, library, and shopping mall, which make life more
straight forward
Use the right word
straightforward
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 and quality.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the atmosphere of metropolises is dynamic and lively,
therefor
Use the right word
therefore
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people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy living in urban areas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cities provide citizen with job and education opportunities, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the potential to improve their
life styles
Use the right word
lifestyles
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.
For example
Linking Words
, London city, attracts many immigrants annually, because of various job positions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
over migration
Correct your spelling
overmigration
 to the cities can lead to
population
Correct article usage
a population
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 boom, which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 society. To be more precise, overcrowded can cause traffic congestion, noise and air pollution, and chaos.
For instance
Linking Words
, its streets are teeming with
people
Use synonyms
 day and night, which creates
stuffy
Correct article usage
a stuffy
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 environment. The overcrowded of urban areas is unsuitable for senior individuals, because they are comfort seekers and suffer from noisy places, and
also
Linking Words
 pollution is harmful for them. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 my opinion,
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 is a good decision, and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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people
Use synonyms
 to develop their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Admittedly
Punctuation problem
Admittedly,
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 the process has produced some positive outcomes, yet questions remain about its long-term effectiveness.

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structure
Plan one main idea per paragraph. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence and a closing sentence.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, also, however. Check that the ideas follow each other well.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Use correct plural forms and fix common mistakes (therefore, swimming pool).
content
Give clearer and more details for your points. The example of London could be explained with more facts.
content
There is a clear plan and stance: you say urbanization has more good than bad.
structure
You use a 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' form to show pro and con points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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