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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that parents have the greatest influence on their child’s academic development, while other think that a child’s teacher has more influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

One of the paramount debates in education is whether
parents
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 or
teachers
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 have more influence on children's academic success. Some people argue that children's educational
development
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 is highly influenced by their
parents
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,
while
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 others claim that
teachers
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 have the greatest authority.
However
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, in my opinion, I firmly believe that it is a shared responsibility between both of them.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of my viewpoints with relevant examples. On the one hand,
parents
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 have more leverage and inside knowledge in terms of their younger ones' educational goals.
This
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 is to say that in schools,
teachers
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 have limited time to guide each and every student towards their individual
goals
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goals,
show examples
 as they mainly focus on group education that involves teaching scholastic concepts.
However
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, for guardians, it is their primary responsibility to provide additional guidance and support for their little ones in the areas of knowledge that need
further
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development
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.
For instance
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, successful countries like Finland
,
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apply
show examples
 revealed that
parents
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 showed higher participation in parent-teacher meetings to identify the areas of
development
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, which are required in subjects, in order to help them achieve 100% results in examinations.
On the other hand
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, even though schoolteacher have limited hours, they have the responsibility to educate the young ones to improve their knowledge academically on the core concepts.
This
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 is mainly because some
parents
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 are not well educated to teach complex school subjects
such
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 as science
,
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apply
show examples
 and Maths. Without trained educational instructors , it is highly challenging for teens to understand the complex concepts that are needed for their academic progress.
For example
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, in India, a recent survey revealed that despite
parents
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' support, the passing scores had significantly declined to 45% in the majority of schools in the countryside, as there were no proper instructors available to take classes. In conclusion, I firmly agree that both
parents
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 and
teachers
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 are equally responsible for educating and supporting students for their academic success , which is vital for the
development
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 of a well-educated society.

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Task response
Your essay starts well and shows both sides, then gives your view. But some ideas are not fully clear or strong. Add a short plan, then give a clear view, reasons, and real examples.
Coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas well. Use simple linking words to show contrast and order. Some sentences jump from one idea to another.
Structure
You show both sides and give your own view.
Content
You use some country examples to back up points.
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