IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

#government #money #science #subjects #country’s #development #progress
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People have different views as to whether the government should spend more revenue on educating
science
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 than other courses for a developing c. In my opinion, despite there are various benefits of
this
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, I firmly believe that it brings about many more drawbacks. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why more income should be vested in the field of
science
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.
Firstly
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, it could resolve a shortage of scientists, especially in the pharmaceutical department. In doing so, there will be more studies and
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 on germs and diseases, resulting in new vaccines and medical treatments, which will save countless people.
Moreover
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, it leads to scientific and technological breakthroughs.
For instance
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, products
such
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 as autonomous driving, washing machines, or advanced knowledge like genetic engineering. All of
this
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 means that our lives will be better than before.
On the other hand
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, there are two key points why we should disagree with
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, the sector of art, music, and culture might stop developing.
For example
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, if the financial support to improve facilities or instruments is limited by the government,
then
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 it is likely that some traditional songs or events will disappear or extinct.
Secondly
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, children should be treated equally to the same standard. To be precise, students tend to perform better in what they love, limiting financial aid
although
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 paying the same amount of tuition fees would hinder their potential ability. In conclusion, even though putting numerous resources
on
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into
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science
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 provides many advantages to us, I genuinely believe that the government should spend money equally and not solely on teaching
science
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Ensure consistency in using 'income' or 'revenue' when referring to government spending.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the writer's stance on the topic.
task achievement
Each main point is explained with appropriate reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear separation of ideas into paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases helps to connect ideas effectively.
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