IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that government money should be spent on important things rather than arts such as painting and music. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 argue that the
government
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 should invest in crucial tasks rather than spending
money
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 on the
arts
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because
government
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money
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 should be used very carefully, and the
government
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 has to help citizens who are suffering from hunger and poverty. One key reason why the
government
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 should use its
money
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 on important things rather than the
arts
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 is that
government
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money
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 mostly consists of taxes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 citizens pay. The
money
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 should be used with caution and spent on essential areas. Spending
money
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 on the
arts
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 can have a negative influence on
people
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. Artists can create paintings and music by using their own
money
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. Art is just a leisure activity which is not essential. The
government
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 should spend
money
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 on some important things that individuals cannot do. Another important reason is the need to take care of poorer
people
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 who cannot enjoy the
arts
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. The
government
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 should focus on
people
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 who are suffering from hunger, which can lead to death. The
arts
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 are
also
Linking Words
 important, but we should consider priorities. The
government
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 should spend
money
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 on welfare policies and support poor
people
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
reducing
Change preposition
by reducing
show examples
 taxes or providing financial support.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
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 can build public facilities which
people
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 can easily use without financial pressure.
This
Linking Words
 could cause a better future and
make
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
 a significant increase in citizens’ happiness. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the
government
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 budget should be used on more essential areas rather than the
arts
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as painting and music. The
government
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 should spend its
money
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 wisely and always take care of
people
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 who are having difficulties.

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tip
State your view clearly in the introduction and keep it in every paragraph. add a short counter point and a simple ending that sums up.
tip
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and link ideas with simple joining words. Do not skip steps in reasoning.
tip
Give more detail or examples to back up each reason. use specific, easy examples.
content
Clear stance and overall structure are visible.
content
Reasons show care for people’s needs and tax use.
content
Conclusion restates the position.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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