In some countries, people encourage their children to get a job or to travel after their secondary education and before their university education. What are the advantages or disadvantages of doing so?

In today's society, some countries' parents encourage their children to study or work abroad. The majority of adults try to make their kids go overseas and explore the world first-hand. Even though some might say it is dangerous, and teens should learn in their home nation for higher education.
That is
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why, in
this
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essay, I will be discussing about advantages and disadvantages of going out of the country. On the one hand, searching for higher education, which leads to going abroad common nowadays.
Due to
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this
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, adolescents can be more independent and learn by themselves without interference from their relatives and
also
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from their family. Most children learn more about themselves when they are alone or exploring a new world.
Furthermore
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, it makes them be more braver and teens learn how to be an adult at their own pace.
Whereas
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, when high-school graduates don't leave their comfort zone, they are highly likely to become dependent on their spouse or their family.
For example
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, when my sister starts to study abroad, she starts to lose her insecurities and grow a lot personally.
On the other hand
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, when teens and juveniles learn or work overseas, they are more vulnerable than in their motherland. The reason for
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is that when they first got into a different country, they had a difficult time adapting to adapt new environment. Because of that, they are more likely to get scammed or get themself in danger. For those who try to research outside, they contact the agent, sometimes it could be a trafficker. Even, the chance is quite low, there was an instance where in my country, young adults got into it and couldn't get away for years. Eventually, they got back to their home and shared their stories. Suffice it to say, working or going for higher education is the main reason parents make their adolescent go out of their birthplace.
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decision leads to greater knowledge, more so that it makes their children's lives much easier, but it has its own drawbacks.
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, responsible grown-ups must look over all possible dangers that could happen, and it can be one of the best ways to introduce their adult lives.

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task response
Make the main idea clear in the start. Show your view in the intro.
coherence
Use better links between ideas and keep the flow steady.
structure
Have clear topic sentences in each paragraph and finish with a short, clear end.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Fix odd long sentences and repeated words.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
organization
There are good linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
examples
A personal example is used to show change.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay โ€“ it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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