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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that teachers should not give homework to the school students. Others, however, contradict and consider that it is necessary for their education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Education plays a pivotal role in shaping personalities and societies.
Although
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 many individuals argue there should be no
howework
Correct your spelling
homework
 for pupils, some reckon that it is
integral
Correct article usage
an integral
show examples
 part of their studies. I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both viewpoints and provide my opinion, for which vindication would be elaborated in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraphs. To
instigate
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begin
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 with, having assignments to be done at home,
students
Use synonyms
 remain busy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they do not have any
time
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 left for doing
unsual
Correct your spelling
unusual
 things. To exemplify, recent
sudies
Correct your spelling
studies
reveals
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveal
show examples
 that
younger
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the younger
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 generation
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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a
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apply
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half of their
on
Check wording
time on
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 digital entertainment, which is
deterriorating
Correct your spelling
deteriorating
 their mental health.
Consequently
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, they would
get
Verb problem
be
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 refrained from several mental problems associated with virtual screens. Simultaneously, when pupils revise the work done at school, it contributes to their
mind
Replace the word
mental
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 development. As they can focus more on their studies, they would be more productive in their academic curriculum.
For example
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, a study reveals that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
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apply
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parents want their children to attend tuition classes
,
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apply
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 so that they can perform well in exams.
As a result
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, by revising more,
leaners
Use the right word
learners
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 tend to become scholars in
furhter
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further
time
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.
On the other hand
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, if children have academic pressure in school
as well as
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in
Change preposition
at
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 home, life will become monotonous.
Due to
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this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 they would have no
time
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 left to engage with family and friends. Resultantly, they become less social and have less bonding with their relatives. It
does
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apply
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not only
deter
Correct subject-verb agreement
deters
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 social growth,
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also
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but also
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affect
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affects
show examples
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the physically
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physically
Replace the word
physical
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.
Check wording
health.
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 As they will not have any
time
Use synonyms
 to go to the playground to perform physical
activites
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activities
, they would have to deal with numerous health problems
such
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 as obesity,
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 and many more. In my opinion, there should be no assignments to do at home for younger children, as it is their growth period and they should have less burden.
However
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,
tertiraty
Correct your spelling
tertiary
students
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 should do
self study
Use the right word
self-study
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 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college hours. In
this
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 way,
along with
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 effective growth,
students
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 can perform well in their studies.
To conclude
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, after taking all aspects into my consideration,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 would like to reiterate that heavy academic load can help
students
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 to avoid
sedentary
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a sedentary
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 lifestyle and excel academically, but it can
also
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 lead to social
as well as
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 physical problems. So work
load
Use the right word
workload
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 should be
according to
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 the student's age and class.

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structure
Plan and write a clear intro that says both sides and your view.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph and link it with simple words.
content
Give one or two good examples to back each point.
language
Check spelling and use easy, common words.
conclusion
End with a short verdict about your view.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
structure
The essay has an ending that sums up.
coherence
Some ideas are clear and easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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