IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishmentWhy is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle thisproblem?

Nowadays , an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 focus on the
crimes
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 and these offenders. They found that the growing number of
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 commit more
cirme
Correct your spelling
crime
 than the amount before the first
punishment
Use synonyms
. In his essay, I will explain the reason and the measures
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to solve it. There are a lot of reasons to cause
the
Correct article usage
these
show examples
 situations.
However
Linking Words
, the most important thing is that the
punishment
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 and education are not effective.
The most
Correct determiner usage
Most
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people
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 who commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
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 again only want to get more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
. Whenever they commit the
cirme
Correct your spelling
crime
, they will consider whether it is worth
to commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
 the
crime
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.
For instance
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, in the past , one
of
Change preposition
apply
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man
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 the
crime
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 of
swinding
Correct your spelling
swindling
 after the first
crime
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 in the
yunnan
Fix capitalization
Yunnan
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 province. The interview for
crime
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 asked him why he
commit
Wrong verb form
committed
show examples
 fraud after the
frist
Correct your spelling
first
punishment
Use synonyms
. He said
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 way can gain much more money than ordinary occupations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 he thought it was worth
to do
Wrong verb form
doing
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this
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. At the same time , maybe the
educaton
Correct your spelling
education
 after
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crimes
Use synonyms
 is not enough to change their mind. In response to the above phenomena, I have several suggestions to solve the situation.
Frist
Use the right word
First
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 of all, it is necessary to upgrade the
punishment
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 after
crimes
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. It can
make sure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
due to
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 the
punishment
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 that they can not accept. At the same time, it is important to
upgrade
Verb problem
increase
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 the
punishment
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a lot
Rephrase
significantly
show examples
 if they commit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 second
Use synonyms
punishment
Check wording
offence
show examples
.
Secondly
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, it is essential to improve the
educaton
Correct your spelling
education
 after
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crimes
Use synonyms
. The action can help all the
people
Use synonyms
 who commit the
crime
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 to realise
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 fault and turn over a new leaf. In conclusion,
although
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people
Use synonyms
 who commit more
crimes
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 still exist, I believe that the situation will improve if it can change the
punishment
Use synonyms
 and education.

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planning
Plan your work before you write. Make a short plan with three parts: why, what to do, how to do it.
coherence
Put one main idea in each paragraph. Use clear links from one sentence to the next.
grammar
Check spell and form. Use easy words in the right way.
content
Give more real and clear examples with small details.
content
You tell why crimes may rise and give a plan to stop it.
content
You use one example to make your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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