Extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Extreme
sports
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,
such
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as skydiving and rock climbing, are often considered risky and potentially dangerous. I completely disagree with
this
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view because, with comprehensive safety measures in place, these activities serve as recreation
while
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offering participants a strong sense of achievement. The inherent risks associated with extreme
sports
Use synonyms
,
such
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as skydiving and rock climbing, are often cited as the main reason why some people believe they should be prohibited.
Such
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risks can result in unpredictable consequences, including, in the most severe cases, death.
For instance
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, some enthusiasts skydive purely for the thrill but sometimes suffer fatal accidents, which can cause great distress to their families.
Nevertheless
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, when comprehensive safety measures are implemented, extreme
sports
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play a crucial role in an individual's life experience.
Firstly
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, these activities provide a strong sense of achievement, allowing participants to challenge themselves.
For example
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, they can overcome their fear of heights, which fosters confidence in their ability to tackle challenges in various aspects of life.
Moreover
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, extreme
sports
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serve as an exciting form of recreation. The adrenaline rush attracts many individuals, helping them temporarily
escaped
Wrong verb form
escape
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daily stress. Increasingly, TV reality shows from around the world have featured trips to New Zealand to showcase these activities.
Although
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many hosts were
initially
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afraid of skydiving, after successfully completing it, they strongly encourage viewers to try it at least once, as the aerial views are breathtaking rather than frightening. In conclusion,
although
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extreme
sports
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can be dangerous, I firmly believe that, with proper safety measures, they should continue to be enjoyed, as they provide both a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
and entertainment.

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task
State your main view in the first line and keep it in all parts.
structure
Give one clear idea per paragraph and stay on that idea.
coherence
Use easy links like 'also', 'but', 'for' to show how ideas fit next to each other.
grammar
Check small errors like using 'temporarily escape' correctly and small grammar.
content
Use more strong but simple examples that fit your point.
content
The writer shows a clear stand that the sport should not be banned.
structure
The essay uses a good order of ideas and is easy to read.
focus
The conclusion restates the view and ends well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • exhilarating
  • personal growth
  • sense of achievement
  • self-esteem
  • mental resilience
  • economic implications
  • adventure tourism
  • acknowledging
  • paramount
  • mitigate
  • recreational activities
  • governmental regulations
  • personal liberties
  • pioneering
  • advancements
  • protective gear
  • innovation
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