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Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to thei main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
It is argued that some pupils are willing to attend extra classes
besides
 the major ones,
while
 others claim to prefer taking all efforts only to achieve their professional education.
Although
 learning about additional
subjects
 can develop
students
’ soft skills, I agree with the view that
students
 should pay attention mainly to their qualifications because it will enhance their chances of being accepted in the workplace. On the one hand, extra university classes can develop the
students
’ soft skills. For linguistic
students
,
for example
, it can
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
  to attend additional
subjects
such
 as Computer science as they will learn to use several office programs so they will not need others’ assistance in terms of statistics.
On the other hand
, studying only professional
subjects
 in the academic years can
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
 advantages to
students
 because it will increase the opportunity to get the job they want. If pupils take all their time to study the main
subjects
, they will be more professional by the end of their academic years because they will not lose their time to other minor classes.
For example
, almost every medical university in Mongolia does not have additional
subjects
 in their undergraduate curriculum, so the
students
 can dive deep into the main
subjects
 including anatomy and physiology. As a former medical student, I strongly agree with
this
 view, because I could easily find a job
due to
 spending all the time studying specific
subjects
. In conclusion,
however
, attending additional lessons can develop university
students
’ soft skills, I agree with the view that pupils should pay all their attention only to the main
subjects
 so they can get a job without any obstacles.
Submitted by sb.angar2011 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and offers a clear opinion. However, it would be beneficial to further elaborate on the advantages of learning additional subjects. Providing more specific examples and further explanation can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured and the ideas are logically arranged, try to use more linking words to enhance the flow between paragraphs. This will make your argument smoother and easier to follow.
task achievement
You've effectively presented both sides of the discussion and provided a clear opinion in your conclusion. This is essential for addressing the task properly.
coherence cohesion
You have a solid introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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