IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their familiya.why does thos happen and what effects will it have on them and their families

People
Use synonyms
 in many countries are spending more and more
time
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 far away from their
families
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend is becoming common in many societies. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 situation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can lead to both positive and negative effects on individuals and their family members. One main reason is work. Many
people
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 have to work long hours or move to another
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
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 or
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 in order to find better job opportunities. As competition in the job market increases, individuals feel more pressure to focus more on their careers. Another reason is education. Young
people
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 sometimes leave their hometowns to study at universities which far away from their
families
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reduces the
time
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 they spend together.
This
Linking Words
 situation can lead to some positive effects.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who live
individually
Rephrase
apply
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independently may become more responsible and confident. Working in a
long
Correct word choice
long-distance
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distance
Check wording
job
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 far from home may help individuals earn more money and support their
families
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 financially. In some cases, family members can enjoy a better standard of
lives
Replace the word
living
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 because of
this
Linking Words
 sacrifice.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some negative sides of working away
spending
Punctuation problem
, spending
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 less
time
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
families
Use synonyms
 can weaken family relationships. Parents may miss some important moments in their children’s lives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 children may feel lonely and unsupported. In the long term,
this
Linking Words
 lack of communication can lead to misunderstanding and
emotionally
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 distance with
families
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
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 spend most of their
time
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 far away from their
families
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 mainly because of work and education.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 brings financial support and personal growth, it
also
Linking Words
weaken
Correct subject-verb agreement
weakens
show examples
 the family bonds.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should find a balance between their professional lives and family relationships.

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language
Use short, simple sentences. Break long ideas into two or three lines.
structure
Give each idea in its own paragraph. Start with a reason, then its effect, then a small note of balance.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors like 'standard of lives' and 'emotional distance'.
content
Add a few clear examples or facts to back what you say.
content
Clear main idea on why people are far from family.
structure
Balanced view with both good and bad effects.
tone
Ends with a call to balance family and work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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