IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Scientists and technologist experts seems to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, scientists are much more valued by society than artists. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because
people
Use synonyms
 can see the
impact
Use synonyms
 of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in their lives, unlike the
impact
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
 and music.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 now appreciate scientists and technologists more than the humanities experts.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the positive
impact
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
technology
Use synonyms
 that affects each aspect of their lives, which is recognised even by the simplest man. Take phones as an example, anyone can see how much
this
Linking Words
 sector has been developed over the years, and it can be realised that
this
Linking Words
 development is directly linked to the effort made by scientists.
Thus
Linking Words
, the visibility
impact
Use synonyms
 of modern
technology
Use synonyms
 is the primary reason why technologists are valued more by the modern community.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the work of the arts and music is less appreciated by
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the simple fact that a work of
art
Use synonyms
 can not be understood equally by all
people
Use synonyms
, which is linked to
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 complexity and abstraction
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, fewer individuals recognise the work of
art
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is totally normal to see different individuals in a museum seeing the same painting, but they develop a completely different idea of what it means.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is why musicians and artists are less appreciated by society. In conclusion, we can see that technologists are far more valued by society than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists, which can be
due to
Linking Words
 the level of abstraction of
art
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with
technology
Use synonyms
, which is direct and
its
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 can be understood by anyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the end.
task response
Add one more idea and a short counter point to show you see more than one view.
coherence
Give more full detail for each idea so the reader can see why you think so.
grammar
Make some long sentences shorter and fix form errors.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order: first, next, then, finally.
examples
Use real life examples that are easy to see in daily life.
content
You make your view clear and you say why you agree.
content
You give two real examples that many can see, like phones and museums.
structure
The text has a steady flow with words like 'Moreover' and 'As a result'.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: