IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

During a recent plane journey,you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants.You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman.In your letter •remind him when and where you met •tell him what kind of job you are interested in •say why you think you would be suitable for the job

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Dear Sir, My name is Umida and I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you in regard to a job for which we had a discussion with each other
while
Linking Words
 travelling to India on 13th November on the Air India Flight because my seat number was 34 and yours were 33 window seat. Honestly speaking, I Am searching for a managerial position and if you would like to give me a chance
then
Linking Words
 I will try to put my best forward to make a success for your company.
As a result
Linking Words
, you would not feel any regret because whatever is mentioned on my CV , all information is true on the basis of my study and work experience. I have a major in hospitality management
as well as
Linking Words
 my degree from International Yorkdale University. So, after completing my whole education, I worked in a manager position at numerous places in regards to my good communication skills, problem-solving results and leadership attributes. Having a prompt response from your side, Yours Sincerely, Umida Abdumajitova

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coherence cohesion
Try to be more concise and avoid redundant phrases. For instance, specifying the flight details could be shortened to make the letter flow better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there are no grammatical errors or typos, such as the incorrect capitalization of 'Am' and the awkward phrasing in some parts of the letter.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples of your achievements and how they can benefit the business. This would make your application stand out further and show the businessman why you are uniquely qualified for the role.
task achievement
The letter makes a clear reference to where and when the initial contact was made, which provides context.
task achievement
The writing tone is polite and professional, which is suitable for a formal job application letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a logical structure with an introduction, body, and closing, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • possible job
  • mention
  • remind
  • outline
  • experience
  • qualifications
  • culinary training
  • customer service
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • valuable addition
  • enthusiasm
  • commitment
  • opportunities
  • follow up
  • meeting
  • call
  • suggested
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