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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Nowadays, in a lot of
countries
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countries,
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 there has been a trend where you can pay for goods with your phone,
such
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 as Apple Pay; the number of people using it is increasing every day.
While
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this
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 matter offers some benefits,
such
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 as instant
paying
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payment
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 and high speed, it
also
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 has some downsides to it,
such
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 as impulsive spending and technical issues. In
this
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 essay, I will explain each idea thoroughly. On the one hand, the advantages of using apps to pay
instead
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 of cash have encouraged the community to develop and evolve more and more. One of the many perks of
this
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 situation is the direct payment and how fast it is. To illustrate, we live in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 era where everything is changing very quickly, so to keep up with it, we need to learn these crucial ways.
For example
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, if a person is in a rush to buy something from the supermarket, rather than searching in their bags for their
wallets
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wallet
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, using their phone is more efficient.
On the other hand
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, as much as
this
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 topic has many benefits, it
also
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 has some disadvantages
to
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Firstly
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, there are the reckless purchases. It is a situation where a person buys unnecessary items; unfortunately,
this
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 bad habit could lead people to sink into debt.
Secondly
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, there are the functional problems, meaning a problem occurring when someone is paying for their goods.
For instance
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, some banks tend to have some issues with their services,
such
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 as their Visa card, so if a person is attempting to pay, they may face
this
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 problem sometimes.
To conclude
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, using phones to pay may have many useful purposes, but it
also
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 has some horrible effects, which could lead individuals to serious problems.

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task
State a clear view in the intro and in the end about which is bigger: good things or bad things.
task
Give a firm view at the end with a short reason.
coherence
In each paragraph, have one main idea with a simple starter sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with better join words and keep flow from one sentence to the next.
content
Use more exact and true examples for each point so the reader can see the case.
structure
The essay uses good contrast to show both sides.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist in clear form.
content
Some clear examples are used in both parts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • speed
  • eliminate
  • biometric verification
  • encryption
  • cashless society
  • environmentally friendly
  • impulsive buying
  • overspending
  • dependency
  • battery drain
  • technical issues
  • digital divide
  • access
  • smart technology
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