IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or share a home with friends. Do you agree or disagree with this approach? Give your opinion

The massive responsibility of guiding children toward the right path in their lives rests on the shoulders of their
parents
Use synonyms
. The majority of young people prefer to live beside their
parents
Use synonyms
 until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18, and
then
Linking Words
 they leave their
parents
Use synonyms
 to develop an independent life with their friends. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a definite link between people's
age
Use synonyms
 and the ability to live alone. To clarify, before completing school, individuals are too young to stand on their own feet. Indeed, they have to spend most of their time doing their homework and studying their lessons to attend a top-rated university. If they place a high value on making money to live alone, they may lose their ambition towards fulfilling academic studies. So, it is not logical to let the young live alone before attending university.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having enough experience to live by themselves is a must. Life is full of many astonishing and dismal moments.
As a result
Linking Words
, if students can not overcome these hardships one after another, it can pose a threat to their self-confidence, since they consider themselves inferior to
such
Linking Words
 situations.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are less likely to be able to overcome difficulties in their adulthood
due to
Linking Words
 those traumatic experiences in their teen years.
Hence
Linking Words
, the young generation should be led by the old people to become mature enough to lead an independent life. In conclusion, it is tough that the best
age
Use synonyms
 of leaving
parents
Use synonyms
 for teenagers is after completing education. In my view, underestimating the importance of
age
Use synonyms
 limitation to leave
parents
Use synonyms
 and live independently is not logical.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
State your view clearly in one line at the start and keep it the same in every part of the essay.
content
Give more real ideas and simple examples to back up reasons.
structure
Use linking words to connect ideas and make the flow smoother.
structure
Clear stance in opening and closing sentences.
organization
Good paragraph plan with intro, two body parts and conclusion.
coherence
Use of First ly and Second ly helps order ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: