IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The main aim of advertisements is to increase the sales of products that people do not need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether the proliferation of
advertisements
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 has become a significant issue worldwide. Some
people
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 argue that companies promote
products
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 through ads even though
people
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 do not necessarily need those items.
While
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 I acknowledge that
advertisements
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 can encourage unnecessary purchases, they
also
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 play a valuable role in informing
people
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 about useful
products
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives. On the one hand, displaying unnecessary ads on social media is influencing
people
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 to buy items that they do not really require daily. The companies are selling
products
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 gradually as individuals are getting
non- essential
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non-essential
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 goods.
For instance
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, luxury brands frequently create desire rather than focus on necessity, promoting
people
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spend
Verb problem
to spend
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 money on something they do not really truly.
In addition
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, social media
also
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 plays a vital role in society, and
people
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 can easily
impact on
Verb problem
be influenced by
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 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 when they watch any advertisement regarding skincare, or any new technology gadgets.
On the other hand
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,
advertisements
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not
Verb problem
do not
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 always hurt the world
,
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;
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 sometimes
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 for some benefits. The enterprise, when promoting their
products
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 online,
also
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 introduces the quality and how
people
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 can use it.
For instance
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, marketing campaigns for health
products
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, educational tools, or safety equipment help
people
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 make a decision.
Moreover
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, individuals can easily compare the
products
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 with the help of the ads,
such
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 as ingredients, quality, and cost, as well. In conclusion,
while
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advertisements
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 can encourage
purchase
Check wording
apply
show examples
unnecessarily
Replace the word
unnecessary
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consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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 through persuasive tactics, they
also
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 help
people
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 with educational tools, healthy lifestyles, or safety equipment, which is more beneficial for the
people
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 informing about the
products
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.
Therefore
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, I partially agree with
this
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 statement, as the impact of advertising depends largely on the nature of the
products
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 and the marketing methods used.

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overall
This essay tries to answer the big question and shows both sides. It needs more clear proof for each idea. Add one strong point for why ads help and one for why they hurt, with a simple example.
structure
Make the flow clear. Start a new paragraph for a new idea and use a short topic line to map the idea to the question.
language
Use simple, exact words. Check for small grammar and spelling mistakes and fix word order where needed.
content
The writer shows balance by giving both sides and a final view.
examples
Some real examples are given, like health products and skincare.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertisement
  • ads
  • sell
  • sale
  • need
  • want
  • essential
  • unnecessary
  • inform
  • information
  • persuade
  • choice
  • buyer
  • market
  • price
  • money
  • debt
  • waste
  • habit
  • health
  • safety
  • rule
  • law
  • truth
  • fake
  • honest
  • impact
  • society
  • business
  • brand
  • product
  • use
  • useful
  • spend
  • save
  • education
  • media
  • claim
  • feature
  • deal
  • offer
  • buy
  • cost
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