IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Otherhowever, think that there are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.s,

There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 an ongoing debate about whether a variety of ceremonies, including
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
,
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
, and other
parties
Use synonyms
, should be required or
not
Punctuation problem
not,
show examples
 as it requires a significant amount of finance
due to
Linking Words
 decorating the places and renting the venues. In my
thought
Check wording
opinion
show examples
, those
parties
Use synonyms
 can be encouraged to individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 invaluable happiness and
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 energy.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that opening wedding ceremonies needs to be done in every
individual
Check wording
individual's
show examples
 life as
that is
Linking Words
 a special and once
moment
Use synonyms
 in their lives. During the wedding
parties
Use synonyms
, attenders can share their enjoyment and celebrate one's
marriage
Replace the word
married
show examples
 life, helping the couple
memorize
Verb problem
remember
show examples
 the happiest
moment
Use synonyms
 ever after.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other birthday
parties
Use synonyms
 and Christmas
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
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 are the precious
moment
Use synonyms
 where their family come together at one place and catch up on their lives. The reason why they are essential is that it tends to be hard to get together
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
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 their busy lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others insist that any
ceremonies
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremony
show examples
 requires a vast amount of finance by renting the event places and decorating ornaments only for the
parties
Use synonyms
. Considering the time and cost of preparing the events,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot help but spend their savings and earnings
in
Change preposition
on
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 buying gifts and decorations for only the day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 needs a significant time and effort, making
people
Use synonyms
 living in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 hectic society
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
busier and
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stressed. From my perspective, even though the aforementioned
parties
Use synonyms
 need significant monetary preparation, the value of sharing the
moment
Use synonyms
 cannot be overrated since they offer positive energy to
people
Use synonyms
 who
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 solitude. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 different kinds of
parties
Use synonyms
 are accompanied by
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
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 amount of money, the value of sharing the precious moments cannot be compared with any other
materials
Fix the agreement mistake
material
show examples
.

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task response
Your essay talks about both views and gives an opinion, but you should be clear about your own side from the start in the intro. Add one clear plan sentence.
coherence
Make your ideas easy to follow. Use a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph, then add one or two simple examples.
grammar
Fix spelling and small grammar mistakes. Use 'one moment' not 'one's moment', 'positve' etc. Keep to simple words.
structure
Use punctuation to break long sentences. Short sentences help readability.
vocabulary
Give more real examples or clear ideas to back up your point. For example, say how spending on a wedding helps family ties or how it could be waste if not needed.
structure
The topic is clear and you show both sides.
content
You give a clear view in the end.
vocabulary
You try to link the idea of happiness with society.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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