IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries , it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants because of their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
 competitive world, in many parts of the world,
laws
Use synonyms
 prohibit rejecting individuals who are eager to
work
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their age. I believe that it is a change for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 it may create certain issues in businesses. On the positive side, age-discrimination
laws
Use synonyms
 give an equal opportunity to citizens, ensuring
life long
Use the right word
lifelong
show examples
 employment.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that people who are aged are able to
work
Use synonyms
 with younger generations. By doing
this
Linking Words
, the company itself benefits, too. Because diversity in age among workers leads to
collaborative
Correct article usage
a collaborative
show examples
 working environment. When working
together
Punctuation problem
together,
show examples
 both young and old individuals can teach one another essential skills.
While
Linking Words
 the elderly are experienced and are capable of sharing valuable life lessons, the youth can assist in dealing with
cutting edge
Use the right word
cutting-edge
show examples
 technology.
This
Linking Words
 mutual interaction will definitely influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the productivity of the
work
Use synonyms
 in the company.
Besides
Linking Words
, when
laws
Use synonyms
 ban ignoring aged citizens
to apply
Change preposition
from applying
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job, countries balance
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 financial condition among their residents. As long as the elderly are engaged in
work
Use synonyms
, they might take care of themselves, not being dependent on the
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 financial support, which in turn alleviates
authorities'
Correct article usage
the authorities'
show examples
 burden.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 budget can be allocated to develop other sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as education and health care, offering
fulfiling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to people.
However
Linking Words
, if all employees are
old-aged
Use the right word
elderly
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 can
contibute
Correct your spelling
contribute
 to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 behind the innovation. It is undeniable that older generations have difficulty in managing technology
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they think in a conventional way. The company may,
consequently
Linking Words
, face some challenges because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of creativity. In conclusion, age-discrimination
laws
Use synonyms
 impact
positively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
on the efficiency of
work
Use synonyms
 in campaigns and
facilitate
Verb problem
are
show examples
 financially
, even
Correct word choice
beneficial, even
show examples
 though they may
affect
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a negatively
show examples
negatively
Replace the word
negative
show examples
in
Check wording
impact in
show examples
 some ways in business.

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content
The essay shows a clear view and gives some good ideas, but it is light on real examples to back up points.
structure
Link ideas more. Use smooth joins to move from one idea to the next with careful steps.
language
Check for small grammar and spelling errors so the read is easy and clear.
viewpoint
Clear stance that age law is good, with a fair mind set.
coherence
Good use of sign post words like 'however,' 'in conclusion' to show another view.
content
The argument on how age balance can help the economy is shown.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
What to do next:
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