IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, the average age of the population is increasing. What are the causes of this trend? What effects does it have on individuals and society?

In recent
years
Use synonyms
,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 average
age
Use synonyms
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 has become a growing concern, largely
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factors better health care and urban living. These
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
hae
Correct your spelling
have
 had profound impacts on society and
gowernment
Correct your spelling
government
, leading to several notable consequences. The growing
prevelange
Correct your spelling
prevalence
 of increasing average
age
Use synonyms
 contributed several consequences.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better health care can
attributed
Verb problem
be attributed
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 more significantly
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
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 issue. To be more
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
, after some
years
Use synonyms
 people try to pay attention to their
organizm
Correct your spelling
organism
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 prevent serious diseases in time. As
reason
Correct article usage
a reason
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy body
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
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that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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the longest life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after some
years
Use synonyms
, the older generations prefer to live away from
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 and
relocated
Wrong verb form
relocate
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at
Change preposition
to
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 urban places.
This
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 factor that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 living near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the environment,
where
Correct word choice
which
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 is cleaner than city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.Together
theese
Correct your spelling
these
 factors have accelerated
pace
Correct article usage
the pace
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 of the changing
age
Use synonyms
 factors.
This
Linking Words
 issue has led
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
number of serious effects.
one
Fix capitalization
One
show examples
 immediate consequence is
destrupting
Correct your spelling
disrupting
Correct article usage
the blanace
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blanace
Correct your spelling
balance
 system between
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 and older
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can negatively
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 to work sectors. To illustrate, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some
Use synonyms
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 people were unable to work,
as a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can
make
Verb problem
pose
show examples
challamges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 for work sectors. Another significant outcome is increasing retirement
yeras
Correct your spelling
years
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the gowernment
show examples
gowernment
Correct your spelling
government
 should apply new regulations. Over
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
theese
Correct your spelling
these
 consequences can lead
Linking Words
further
Change preposition
to further
show examples
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
. In conclusion, the rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
average
Correct article usage
the average
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age
Use synonyms
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 can largely
traced
Verb problem
be traced
show examples
 back to better
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
body
Check wording
apply
show examples
and changing location, both of which have triggered social impacts. Unless action is taken to understand and
managemnet
Correct your spelling
management
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
 causes, effects
were
Verb problem
will
show examples
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and impact
futture
Correct your spelling
future
 generations.

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structure
Make your view clear in the intro and keep it in the end.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph; after you say a cause write how it leads to effects, then move to the next idea.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas are connected: and, but, also, because, so.
content
Give one or two clear examples or facts to show your point.
grammar
Check spelling and word form; use common words correctly (for example health care as two words, older not 'old')
grammar
Use correct grammar in sentences; avoid long, confused lines.
coherence
Try not to repeat the same idea; add new details to show understanding.
structure
The essay has an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
It tries to answer both parts of the task (causes and effects).
coherence
There are some linking ideas that show flow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing
  • elderly
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • retirement
  • pension
  • health care
  • care
  • care home
  • doctor
  • nurse
  • vaccines
  • medicine
  • nutrition
  • sanitation
  • city
  • urban
  • work
  • job
  • money
  • cost
  • policy
  • government
  • tax
  • budget
  • family
  • children
  • education
  • women
  • employment
  • migration
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • support
  • service
  • intergenerational
What to do next:
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