IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some peope say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding the influence of
adverts
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 on
people
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's purchasing power.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that advertisements persuade them to buy unessential things, others claim that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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information
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 about the variety of
choices
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. In my opinion, I agree with the latter view because
people
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 should have access to
information
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 to make wise
choices
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my opinion in detail with examples. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that commercials often force
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 to purchase items that are not essentially required.
That is
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 to say that
,
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apply
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 advocates are highly influenced by
adverts
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especially
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, especially
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 when they promote new
products
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,even though the practicality of
such
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products
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 significantly less in their daily lives. As an example, my mother purchased a robot
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaner from a
Tele marketing
Use the right word
telemarketing
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 company
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although
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, although
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 she had one just because the new one has enhanced features and functionalities.
Therefore
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, it is evident that companies often target their audience by focusing on their day-to-day needs and conveniences in order to improve their selling strategy.
However
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 , it is imperative to have significant knowledge about
products
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 that are currently available in markets before purchasing them. Because of the ample
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choices
Add a comma
choices,
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 it's always challenging to choose
right
Correct article usage
the right
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products
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 to meet our demands. Advertising companies
eases
Correct subject-verb agreement
ease
show examples
 the job through their unique and creative
adverts
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 often
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
people
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 to buy exactly what they need rather than opting for incorrect
choices
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.
For instance
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, the cello
pen
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 brand is
quite
Rephrase
more
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 familiar among students than any other
pen
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 brands because their creative and unique branding advertisements feature the quality of writing with
this
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pen
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, which
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 the children to buy only
Correct article usage
the cell
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cell
Use the right word
cello
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pen
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some opponents
belive
Use the right word
believe
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 that
adverts
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 are forcing
people
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 to purchase unwanted
products
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, I believe they are important in providing
information
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 about various
products
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 and services as the
choices
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 are overwhelming for customers. In my opinion,
such
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information
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 is needed to choose
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
products
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 and services.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Have a clear start, two body parts, and a end. Say your view in the start and restate it at the end.
grammar
Use easy and correct grammar. Check names, verbs, and spellings.
examples
Give real and clear examples for each point and say how they show your idea.
task response
You set a clear view at the start and stick to it.
coherence
You use linking words to show flow from part to part.
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