IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, a lot of
subjects
Use synonyms
 are being studied by high school
students
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, either mandatory or optional ones. Some people say other than those
subjects
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, voluntary public services (
such
Linking Words
 as charity work for community improvement or being
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
 teacher for children) have to be added to the high school curriculum. I strongly agree with that idea. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will explain my point of view and give supporting reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most high schoolers are required to learn
subjects
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 like mathematics, biology, and history. These things will help them improve their hard
skills
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 and analytical thinking.
However
Linking Words
, academic
subjects
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 alone are not sufficient to develop
students
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’ soft
skills
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. Adding new activities which focus more on social interactions and communication will help
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 their soft
skills
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. Voluntary public service
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as charity
work
Punctuation problem
work,
show examples
 is a good choice as it can increase the
students
Use synonyms
’ sensitivity and creativity to create social events. It will
also
Linking Words
 help
students
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 to learn how to
empathize
Change the spelling
empathise
show examples
 and share some of their stuff
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. Another consideration is
, through
Correct word choice
that, through
show examples
 the community work,
students
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’ ability to lead and coordinate a team will be improved as well. Since they will be expected to do a lot of teamwork
together with
Linking Words
 their peers. As said before, being a sports teacher to children around the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 may be a lot of help, since it will bring out the natural leadership sense of the
students
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. It will
also
Linking Words
 challenge their patience towards someone younger, helping them to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better emotional intelligence
dealing
Rephrase
when dealing
show examples
 with people.
However
Linking Words
, those voluntary services will definitely demand more of
students
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’ effort and lessen their leisure time. But it cannot be ignored that being a high schooler means it is only a step before entering the university era, where they need more social
skills
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 to prepare themselves for meeting new
students
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 coming from different backgrounds. I strongly believe
doing
Correct word choice
that doing
show examples
 voluntary public services could help them achieve those
skills
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your view clear in the intro. Say plainly: I strongly agree that voluntary public service should be added to high school work.
task response
Give more real examples and facts to show how it helps students, not just ideas.
task response
End with a short conclusion that restates your main point.
coherence
For easier flow, start each paragraph with a topic sentence. Use a simple order like first, next, finally.
coherence
Keep sentences short. Break long sentences into two parts.
strength
You show a clear view on the topic.
strength
You use linking words to show links between ideas.
content
You explain how volunteer work can lift soft skills like social talk and leadership.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • neighborhood improvement
  • teaching sports
  • empathy
  • social justice
  • transferable skills
  • teamwork
  • leadership
  • problem-solving
  • civic duty
  • civic engagement
  • educational enhancement
  • practical experiences
  • academic learning
  • real-world applications
  • social cohesion
  • mutual support
  • time management
  • balancing priorities
What to do next:
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