IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary world, music and theatre are potential long-term investments.
Although
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 some people disagree with
this
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 opinion, it is argued that the government funding of the
arts
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 is an inefficient decision. Analysing the benefits of the
arts
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 in society
as well as
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 their contribution to economic growth will prove
this
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. First of all, contemporary art presents the history, traditions, and values of the nation. They preserve the cultural identity and transmit the rich cultural heritage to the next generation.
For example
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, traditional Vietnamese music as ' nhac cai luong' or lotus painting in silk, embodies the thousand years ancient heritage. The preservation is consistently maintained , which contributes to embedding the extraordinary ancient core lessons and values in the next generation.
Secondly
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, the art world contributes significantly to the economic values through indirect and direct channels. The influence of contemporary art extends beyond direct market transactions, creating a positive ripple effect through tourism, diplomacy and soft-power. Taking Korea as a strong example, K-pop and K-drama are taking advantage of that appeal majority of tourists to the country, which perhaps generates income far exceeding the initial expenditure. In conclusion,
although
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 spending on public services is undeniably essential, funding for the
arts
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 should not be viewed to be wasteful. The vibrant national
arts
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, modernised form of
arts
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, have become a recognised and alternative asset investment and a potential hedge for the volatile financial market.
Therefore
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, a balanced and efficient investment plan on both public services and
arts
Use synonyms
 is well encouraged for society development.

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task
Make your view clear in the first sentence and stay with it in the rest of the answer.
task
Give stronger reasons and more real facts to back each point.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas so one sentence leads to the next.
coherence
Open each paragraph with a clear sentence about the main idea.
language
Stay on the topic and avoid extra ideas not asked by the task.
content
Your writing shows a good take on the topic.
structure
You give examples from culture and link them to money and growth.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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