IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competition and cooperation
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been a topic of discussion where some
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
 that competition encourages development,
where as
Use the right word
whereas
show examples
 collaboration is equally significant to achieve results faster. On one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that been competitive nature nurtures innovation and advancement in science and technology. It is because of having fierce competition
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that in the 1980s, countries accelerated their space
explortation
Correct your spelling
exploration
 programs to become the
pioneer
Fix the agreement mistake
pioneers
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 domain.
This
Linking Words
 was very
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 as it
opens
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
 the new horizons of faster communication technology, the
satellelites
Correct your spelling
satellites
 revolving in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 allowed global connectivity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the competitive nature of ours
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 pushes us to explore and innovate before someone else does, ultimately
benefitting
Use the right word
benefiting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societly
Correct your spelling
society
. An individual is needed to be the initiator to innovate and explore the
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
 that were once thought to be impossible.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may result in
monopoly
Correct article usage
a monopoly
show examples
 of some
people
Use synonyms
 that would have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of power, resulting in a selective development of a group where
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 would be highly dependent on them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that working collectively would allow use our time and
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 effectively. Individual can share their work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
could collaborated
Wrong verb form
can collaborate
show examples
, speeding up the progress.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to achieve larger
goals
Punctuation problem
goals,
show examples
 it is necessary that
people
Use synonyms
 uplift and help each other, as it is impossible for a single person to have knowledge of all domains.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it would allow us to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 on the previous work done by others so that we do not keep reinventing the wheel
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is not needed. In conclusion, I believe competitiveness and collaboration
both are
Correct word order
are both
show examples
 innate human nature. We could
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 both for our benefit, where competitiveness would help us to push our
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 to be better
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 cooperation would allow
use
Use the right word
us
show examples
 to invest our time and resources effectively.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear line. State your view in the intro. Each paragraph should keep one main idea.
content
Add strong examples that link to your point. The space idea helps but show how it links to your claim.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Use simple, correct form and short sentences.
coherence
Use good link words and keep the flow easy to follow.
conclusion
End with a clear view restated in the last sentence.
content
The essay shows both sides.
coherence
Link words like On the one hand, On the other hand are used.
content
There is a closing opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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