IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that sexual relationships between males and females are conventional and out-dated, instead, people should embrace gay, lesbian individuals, femboys and futanaries. What extent do you agree or disagree?

As society evolves, traditional norms around
relationships
Use synonyms
 and gender are increasingly being challenged. Some argue that heterosexual
relationships
Use synonyms
 are outdated and that people should
instead
Linking Words
 embrace
identities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as gay, lesbian, femboys, and futanari.
While
Linking Words
 it is important to support diversity and inclusion, declaring conventional male-female
relationships
Use synonyms
 obsolete is a contentious stance.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the issue and explain why a balanced perspective is essential. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, it is undeniable that modern societies are becoming more inclusive of various sexual and gender
identities
Use synonyms
. Gay and lesbian individuals,
as well as
Linking Words
femboys
Correct your spelling
fanboys
 and others who defy traditional gender roles, deserve recognition, acceptance, and equal rights. Their visibility helps break down harmful stereotypes and promotes a more open-minded, tolerant culture. Supporting diverse
identities
Use synonyms
 encourages personal freedom and challenges rigid norms that have historically marginalised many.
However
Linking Words
, to claim that heterosexual
relationships
Use synonyms
 are outdated risks replacing
one
Use synonyms
 form of intolerance with another. Male-female
relationships
Use synonyms
 remain the most common form of partnership worldwide and are deeply rooted in both biological and cultural traditions. Labelling them as obsolete dismisses the valid experiences of billions of people and undermines the principle of choice. True progress lies in embracing all
identities
Use synonyms
 equally—not in discarding
one
Use synonyms
 in favour of another. In my view, diversity should be celebrated without promoting
one
Use synonyms
 identity at the expense of another. Heterosexual, homosexual, and gender-diverse individuals should coexist and be respected equally. No form of relationship is inherently superior or inferior; what matters most is mutual consent, respect, and emotional connection. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 supporting LGBTQ+
identities
Use synonyms
 is vital in today’s world, dismissing heterosexual
relationships
Use synonyms
 as outdated is neither fair nor productive. A truly inclusive society respects all forms of love and identity.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly using linking phrases.
task achievement
Add a few specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-balanced view on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: