IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

In recent decades,
inadequecy
Correct your spelling
inadequacy
 of public safety has emerged as a growing concern globally.
As a result
Linking Words
, crimes are gradually
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
, especially among adolescents.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse the underlying causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and suggest viable measures to mitigate its impact. One of the most significant factors contributing to
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
 number of young criminals is a lack of
parents
Use synonyms
' attention towards their children.
Parents
Use synonyms
 often work
overtime these days
Correct word order
these days overtime
show examples
, resulting in limited daily interactions with
kids
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, students who rarely meet their
parents
Use synonyms
 at home tend to behave recklessly at school to seek their attention. Another underlying cause is excessive exposure to violence-containing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. As
kids
Use synonyms
 are mostly attached to gadgets now, too much consumption of
physical attack
Correct word choice
violent
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more concerning than ever. To effectively address
this
Linking Words
 issue, a combination of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 and
government
Use synonyms
 measures should be adopted. One practical approach is for
parents
Use synonyms
 to allocate extra time for their
kids
Use synonyms
, as
this
Linking Words
 would increase their interaction and benefit the
Use synonyms
parents-kid
Correct word choice
parent-child
show examples
 relationship.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some restrictions
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 harmful
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 should be prioritised by the
government
Use synonyms
. By doing so, adolescents could behave more respectfully, thereby reducing the prevalence of the problem. In conclusion,
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 number of young criminals is primarily driven by a lack of
Use synonyms
parents'
Check wording
parents
show examples
 affection and excessive exposure to
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Resolving
this
Linking Words
 issue requires coordinated efforts from
parents
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, by
parents
Use synonyms
 investing more time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
kids
Correct pronoun usage
their kids
show examples
 and the
government
Use synonyms
 restricting harmful
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.

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overall
Plan your answer. Start with a short plan in the intro, then use 2 clear body parts for causes and 2 for solutions. End with a simple conclusion.
coherence
Use clear linking words to connect ideas. Words like also, and, but, so help the flow.
content
Give more real life detail for each point. Add one or two examples, and explain how it makes the problem worse or how it helps.
grammar
Keep grammar simple. Check a few common mistakes: care for 'parents' and 'child', 'crime rate is rising', 'violent video games'.
style
Use plain words from common English. avoid long or hard word choice.
content
Clear topic and message are easy to see.
planning
The essay states a plan to fix the problem.
structure
There is a short intro and a closing line.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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