These days people do not go out for live performances or concerts and they prefer to enjoy watching them on computers and laptops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many choose to watch concerts and live performances on their laptops and computers, over attending them in person. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
trend, as it is a comparatively cheaper and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
way of enjoyment. The entry passes for these shows are quite expensive and hard to get. Why buy these
tickets
Use synonyms
when we can watch it for free, online? And even if there is an entry fee on the site, it is much
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
cheaper than the passes themselves.
This
Linking Words
has proven to be a
pocket friendly
Use the right word
pocket-friendly
show examples
way of cheering your favourite performer.
For example
Linking Words
, the
tickets
Use synonyms
to the concert of one of the
KPOP
Correct your spelling
K-pop
bands called Stray Kids can cost
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
£900, but watching their live streaming
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
costs £100.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
comes in handy for fans from
oversease
Correct your spelling
overseas
.
Thus
Linking Words
, you can attend a concert or a live performance virtually from anywhere in the world for far less money
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
than those attending it physically.
Secondly
Linking Words
, watching live shows and concerts
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
been a tedious task in the past. From the purchasing of the
tickets
Use synonyms
to standing in
from
Use the right word
front
show examples
of the podium
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
took days of planning.
This
Linking Words
has been overcome by the internet.
Due to
Linking Words
live access to these performances,
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
is now able to watch their
favourate
Correct your spelling
favourite
artist perform,
while
Linking Words
sitting in their own comfort zones. Concert stadiums are large and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
no
sitting
Use the right word
seating
show examples
arrangements for ordinary class
tickets
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
forcing a huge chunk of visitors to stand for long hours.
With
Change preposition
By
show examples
watching it on devices,
this
Linking Words
problem has been tackled
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I agree that watching concerts on personal devices is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
option
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
watching them
in-person
Use the right word
in person
show examples
, as they not only cost less but
also
Linking Words
prove to be far more comfortable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your main view is clear, but you need more strong points and more support to back your view.
coherence
Use more good links to show order and ties between ideas, like First, Then, Also, Finally.
grammar
Check spell and word form. Good to fix 'convenient', 'overseas', 'favourite' etc and use simple, correct words.
balancing
Try to write more about both sides, not only one side, to show a strong key skill in this task.
task
The essay shows a clear view and a stance.
coherence
There are real examples of price and ease as reasons.
structure
The writing is in three parts and has an ending.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: