IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the sales of famous
products
Use synonyms
 are mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the power of marketing and do not represent the actual daily necessities of consumers, so the sales of goods soared beyond expectations. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advertising plays a crucial role in bringing
products
Use synonyms
 to the final consumer with the features they have, and sometimes it creates psychological effects and inculcates the advantages of the goods compared to their main competitors, and
then
Linking Words
,
as a result
Linking Words
, it will create a brand image.
For example
Linking Words
, Apple became the most valuable company in the world
because
Punctuation problem
because,
show examples
 apart from the innovations they make, they
also
Linking Words
 allocate a substantial amount of budget to promote the
products
Use synonyms
 they make, almost 10% of their operating
expenses
Punctuation problem
expenses,
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 even though other companies producing the same item offer the same specifications at a more affordable price.
For instance
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, every year Samsung launches a smartphone with cutting-edge technology and the same features as the
Iphone
Use the right word
iPhone
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, the number of
products
Use synonyms
 sold in India and Indonesia
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 fewer than Apple does, even in the downturn economic conditions.
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, consumerism
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around the world has been increasing rapidly as a main contributor to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth, and companies produce mass
products
Use synonyms
 in their plant to meet society’s needs,
such
Linking Words
 as clothes, shoes and bags
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 high quality. To introduce these
products
Use synonyms
 to the buyer, they will deploy advertisement strategies through television or social media
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the employees in the marketing field will obtain incentives based on the
products
Use synonyms
 they sell.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 consumerism sometimes leads to bad financial decisions,
such
Linking Words
 as using credit cards or bank loans to purchase
products
Use synonyms
 they cannot afford with cash. In Indonesia, loans used to buy these items amounted to Rp90 trillion, increasing significantly compared to the previous decade. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, advertising plays a crucial role in the selling of
products
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, sometimes society spends on items that they do not really need because of the power of marketing from the companies to make a profit, and it
also
Linking Words
 creates psychological effects which lead to bad financial decisions.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and link it to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use short, plain sentences and simple links to show how points fit, so the flow is easy to follow.
task response
Give more direct and simple examples. Explain how each example helps your claim.
language use
Check spelling and grammar so the message is clear.
task
Clear position on the topic
content
Good use of concrete examples like Apple and loan stat
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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