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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In developing countries, rural children have less access to education. Some people say that the problem can be solved by providing schools and teachers. Others say computer and internet must be provided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, there is an ongoing debate about the level of
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
access
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 that
children
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 have in the countryside in developing countries.
While
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 some people believe that the less
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
access
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 can be tackled by offering more schools and teachers, others claim that providing online
access
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 and computers are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better solutions. In my opinion, I agree with the former view because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increased
access
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 to
facilities
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 and mentors will improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
access
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 to
education
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and my opinion in detail with relevant examples. On the one hand, providing
access
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 to more schools and teachers in rural regions
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
access
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 to
education
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.
In other words
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,
the
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apply
show examples
access
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 to
facilities
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such
Linking Words
 as schools
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very limited in the
coutryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
, because the majority of people are migrating to cities for better opportunities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, teachers do not prefer to stay in the countryside as the job opportunities are very limited, which can lead to jobless situations. So, providing more learning
instituions
Correct your spelling
institutions
,
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apply
show examples
 and mentors would significantly improve the given circumstances
while
Linking Words
 providing more
access
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 to
education
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 for
children
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 in the rural regions.
As a result
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,
children
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 can benefit from the guidance provided by lecturers to achieve academic performance.
For instance
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India,
access
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 to the
education
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 system in villages
is
Verb problem
has
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 improved by 65%
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
other countries after they enhanced their
access
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 to
facilities
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 and career opportunities in those areas.
On the other hand
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, some people claim
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 supplementing computers and internet
access
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 will solve the problem.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because, with the help of online
access
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 and
access
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 to machines,
children
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 can benefit
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 self-learning rather than attending classes.
As a result
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, kids can achieve academic excellence
while
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 having
access
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 to technology.
Furthermore
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, they can enjoy the convenience of flexible learning by choosing their own schedules, which can lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better time management
while
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 achieving academic excellence. As an example,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
odissa
Correct your spelling
Odisha
, the
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
 has funded to
provide
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provision
show examples
tablets
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of tablets
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 to all school
children
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 located in remote areas to have
access
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 to online
education
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 in order to increase the literacy rates. In
conlusion
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conclusion
,
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Although
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although
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 there are differing opinions on how to increase the level of
access
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 to
education
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 in rural regions, I believe that offering more educational institutions and lecturers would promote a
structural
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structured
show examples
 learning practice
according to
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 the
students
Check wording
students'
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 needs
while
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 providing increased
access
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 to
facilities
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and career options, which cannot be achieved by giving machines and online
access
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.

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improvement
The essay covers both sides and gives a view, but the reasons are not strong and the ideas are not well built. Add one main reason for each side with a simple, clear example.
improvement
Improve the link from one idea to the next. Start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence and use linking words to show order and comparison.
strength
The writer shows a clear view and makes an effort to discuss both sides.
strength
There is an attempt to use examples from real places to back up points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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