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Writing Samples
Band 5

There is an ongoing debate about whether it is the most effective way for governments to impose strict laws to protect the environment or there are other better ways.Although strict laws can deter some environmentally harmful behaviours, I think other ways like education can have a long-term effect.

On the one hand, making strict
laws
Use synonyms
 is the most straightforward way to protect the environment. Environmental degradation has “externalities”, meaning that many companies ignore their environmental responsibility in order to reduce the cost of production. Because it is impractical for voluntary environmental protection to cover all the high-polluting industries, governments making strict
laws
Use synonyms
 and emission standards is necessary. Through punishment and production bans to increase the cost of acting illegally, which will
enforce
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 enterprises and individuals to alter their behaviours.
As a result
Linking Words
, contamination will be reduced massively and systematically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, relying solely on
laws
Use synonyms
 is unlikely to be the most effective way to protect
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 strict
laws
Use synonyms
 may deter serious violations, compliance is driven by fear of punishment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the cost of enforcement is high, but once supervision is loosened, the contaminant will re-emerge. Simultaneously, environmental problems stem from individuals’ daily habits, which cannot be changed through occasional
sanction
Fix the agreement mistake
sanctions
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 an investigation conducted in Shanghai, the students who receive regular environmental
education
Use synonyms
 acts 40% less
environmental
Replace the word
environmentally
show examples
 harmful behaviours than those who don’t. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, strict
laws
Use synonyms
 tend to treat the symptoms rather than address the roots of environmental degradation. From my point of view, other approaches
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
 are more effective in encouraging environmental protection in the long term.Unlike strict
laws
Use synonyms
, which mainly rely on external enforcement,
education
Use synonyms
 helps individuals develop environmental awareness and responsible daily habits. From an economic perspective,
education
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a more sustainable approach, as strict law enforcement often requires continuous financial input and administrative resources.
By contrast
Linking Words
, once environmental values are established through
education
Use synonyms
, positive behaviour can be maintained with lower long-term costs.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 plays a more fundamental and effective role beyond legal control. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 strict
laws
Use synonyms
 can reduce environmental damage by deterring illegal behaviour, their effectiveness is often limited to the short term.
Education
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, encourages environmental protection by shaping public awareness and behaviour, and it does so in a more economically sustainable way.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 legal measures remain necessary, greater emphasis should be placed on
education
Use synonyms
 as a more effective long-term solution.

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task response
Begin with a clear opening that states your view on the topic.
task response
Keep the plan in mind; add a short map in the opening so readers know what you will say.
coherence
Make ideas fit together well with clear topic sentences and linking words.
coherence
Use more simple, direct sentences. Break long lines into shorter ones for ease.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue and gives a clear view.
organization
There is a good four-paragraph structure and clear flow.
coherence
Link words and phrases connect ideas well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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