IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doinghousework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The two line graphs demonstrate the changing trend that documents
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
 owned and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 spent doing housework in households in one country over the period from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,the percentage of all
appliances
Use synonyms
 had
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 upward trend of increasing,
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 the refrigerator and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
 continuous growth.What is more,because of the popularity of various electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
,people devote considerably less
time
Use synonyms
 to housework. In 1920，the popularity of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest, which
be
Verb problem
was
show examples
 used by 40% of
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
, followed by
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 at about 30%. Compared with the other two
household
Use synonyms
appliances
Use synonyms
,there were only 2%
Use synonyms
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
owned
Correct pronoun usage
that owned
show examples
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,the ratio of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 had the fastest growth rate.It
surpass
Wrong verb form
surpassed
show examples
Use synonyms
vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner in 1940,
then
Linking Words
 it overtook
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
machineto
Correct your spelling
machine to
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the most popular
household
Use synonyms
 appliance in 1960,and
finally
Linking Words
 reached 100% percentage.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
catched
Correct your spelling
caught
 up with washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 in 1960 and
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
 100% after 20 years.
While
Linking Words
 the rate of washing machines saw a rise at a slow pace, apart
a
Change preposition
from a
show examples
decline from 70 to 65 between 1960 and 1980.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 its amount hit about 75%. With the extensive penetration of different electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
, the
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 doing housework decreased steadily. A distinct decline was observed between 1920 and 1960, which
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 from 50h to 20h.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the
time
Use synonyms
 spent fell from 20h to 10h in the subsequent three decades.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words appliances, time, vacuum, household, h with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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