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Writing Samples
Band 4

We are becoming more and more dependent on machines to function in this modern world. Some people think it is negative trend. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is argued that in contemporary
society
Punctuation problem
society,
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people
Use synonyms
 are becoming increasingly
often more
Rephrase
apply
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dependent on
machines
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 to function,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes it, as many
people
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 claim, a drawback. I firmly agree.
Machines
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 are being encountered more and more frequently than ever,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 terms of some factors, decreases the possibilities of
work
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, and what's more, may result
negative
Change preposition
in negative
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 trends,
such
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 as technical
malfunctions
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due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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obsolescence
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. In
this
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 modern world,
machines
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 are a
manner
Check wording
means
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 of
exchanging
Verb problem
replacing
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 some individuals, the results of modernity,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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, as many
people
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 claim, negatively
effects
Use the right word
affects
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 their possibilities of
work
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.
This
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 is because
machines
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' abilities and responsibilities aim to ensure personal needs. These are used in order to protect some individuals, provide information and perform services in the majority of professions.
For example
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,
chain
Correct article usage
the chain
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 of Polish stores 'Żabka' offers
self-making
Use the right word
self-service
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 services,
such
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 as getting food ready, or shopping without
cashier
Correct article usage
a cashier
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 reduces some possibilities of
work
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 and makes it a disadvantage.
As a result
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, it is more unlikely to secure employment,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
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 more dependent on
machines
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.
Furthermore
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, in the
worst case
Use the right word
worst-case
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 scenario, it is contended that
machines
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 have
,
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apply
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 more and more technical
malfunctions
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, resulting from
obsolescence
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, which may lead to perilous and unpredictable situations,
such
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 as life-threatening hazards and incorrect information.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that technical
malfunctions
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 and
obsolescence
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 can cause adversities.
For instance
Linking Words
, research has found that
machines
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 caused tons of damage
within
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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previous years, mostly in facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals and factories.
Thus
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,
people
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 are increasingly
often
Rephrase
apply
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dependent on
machines
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 not only
makes
Verb problem
raises
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 concerns in terms of
probability
Correct article usage
the probability
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 of adequate information and software, but
also
Linking Words
 discourages some entrepreneurs
to utilize
Change preposition
from utilising
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 these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of resources. In conclusion,
machines
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the population more reliant
to
Change preposition
on
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 function,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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from
Punctuation problem
, from
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 my point of
view
Punctuation problem
view,
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 is a drawback because of less possibility of
work
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 and possible technical
malfunctions
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, resulting from
obsolescence
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, having a negative effect.
Therefore
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, it is vital
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
machines
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makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the individuals more and more dependent on them,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 in my opinion
it
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apply
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is unadvisable, because of the disadvantages aforementioned above.

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structure
Plan before you write. Make a small plan with a view, reason, example, and result.
content
Stick to one main idea in each paragraph and keep it on topic.
grammar
Check grammar. fix verbs, tenses, articles, and prepositions.
cohesion
Use linking words to show cause and effect, like because, so, therefore, and as a result.
content
You show a clear view and a decision.
cohesion
You try to use linking words to join ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependency on machines
  • automation
  • job displacement
  • self-sufficiency
  • life skills
  • technological advancements
  • quality of life
  • cybersecurity threats
  • privacy breaches
  • repetitive tasks
  • efficiency improvements
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • accessible education
  • over-dependence
  • risk reduction
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